He saw Estelle run her fingers over the invitation and then tuck it greedily, almost guiltily, into her backpack. That was good. Let Estelle enjoy herself. Let her get distracted. He would stay on task.
He laid his fingers on the laptop keyboard and made himself listen to the professor’s words. He didn’t think about the golden boy and his sweet, honest smile. And he absolutely didn’t wonder how that smile would change when Estelle showed up at the party instead of Cade.
Chapter Two
Cade spentFriday night at the library. Well, not hisusuallibrary. The engineering library closed at six on Friday nights, so Cade was forced to make his way down to the general undergraduate library. It wasn’t bad, exactly, it just wasn’t as familiar. He could have stayed home, but his apartment had thin walls and loud neighbors, so he didn’t do much studying there.
The undergrad library was fine, though, and he got a lot of work done. Enough that he was able to walk home with a sense of accomplishment. Not only had he covered a lot of material, but he’d also managed to keep his mind off the party, and Aiden, and what Aiden might bedoingat the party. Yeah, he’d managed to keep his mind off that right up until he had to walk home, with no work in front of him.
Had Aiden wondered if Cade would show up? Had he cared? Why the hell had he wanted to invite him in the first place? Had that moment of connection, that brief second when Aiden’s gaze had seemed too intent to be casual… had that really happened? Even if it had, what the hell did it mean?
Luckily Cade didn’t live that far from campus, so he didn’t have too long to torture himself with unanswerable questions. When he got home, he stripped off his jeans and sweatshirt and folded them tidily, then slipped between the sheets of his folded futon and looked up at the ceiling, lit by the streetlight shining through his one small window.
The Monk, he thought to himself. Lying there in his cell after a day of toil, waiting to fall asleep so he could rest and be ready for another day’s work to begin in the morning. Were they right? Was that all he was? Not even arealmonk, because he didn’t have any higher purpose to devote himself to. He wasn’t laboring in the service of God, he was seeking a high GPA. He wanted a job when he graduated, and he wanted to be able todothe job well enough to be sure he wouldn’t lose it.
Was that all there was?
Maybe not. Maybe there was more, and maybe he could be brave enough to reach for it. But not yet. He’d been in his new life for a littleover a year, and he wasn’t comfortable with it yet. Not secure enough to take any chances, not even small ones. No, not yet. But when he could?
He thought about Aiden’s golden smile. The idea of being able to bask in the warmth of that glow? No, it was too much. Not something to even dream about. But maybe somebody else. Somebody too shy and too serious. Somebody who wasn’t good with small talk or dancing. Somebody who’d be glad to see Cade arrive and sorry to see him go. That was all. Maybe Cade could have that. Someday.
He fell asleep with those thoughts and woke up to the drone of his alarm. Rain had started falling overnight, but that didn’t matter to Cade. Not to a superhero like the Monk. He smiled despite himself as he pulled on his running clothes and headed out into the still dark streets. The Monk, who could go for a run in the rain without melting, who could study eight hours straight without a break andstillbe absorbing information by the end. Yeah, he was a superhero all right. A super-nerd-hero.
He did his usual calisthenics when he got back to the apartment, push-ups and sit-ups and stretches that took no special equipment. When his arms and abs were trembling from exertion, he showered, shaved, and made himself his customary oatmeal breakfast before grabbing his knapsack and heading for campus. The solar car team was meeting at eleven, and he needed extracurriculars for his résumé, so he’d planned to check that out. But he had time for a couple hours at the library before then. Still not at engineering—he sometimes wondered how they expected people to learnanythingwhen the libraryhad such short hours—but he had a favorite study carrel at theundergrad library too.
Except that when he arrived, somebody was already sitting there. There were lots of others, all still empty at that time of day, but Cade was a creature of habit, and…. He stopped walking and stared. There was something familiar about the guy sitting in Cade’s seat. Light brown hair cut short and precise, bronze skin starting to lose its summer tan, and when he turned around and saw Cade, a smile so bright it seemed like a convincing repudiation of any evil that had ever existed in the world. “Hey, Cade! What are you doing here?”
Cade was temporarily confused. “It’s the library. I’m studying.”
“Oh. Yeah, right. Me too.” Aiden held up a book that looked like a novel, and Cade wondered what the hell the guy’s major was.
Cade looked around for another carrel and tried not to look disgruntled. It wasn’t like he’d signed the spot out or anything. He’d checked, and undergrads weren’tallowedto sign out carrels.
“Hey, you want to take a break? Get some breakfast?” Aiden smiled brightly and seemed ready to stand up.
Cade thought briefly about psyching the guy out. He could agree to breakfast, and then when Aiden stood up Cade could dodge around him and claim the carrel.
But possibly that was a bit immature. So Cade shook his head. “I can’t take a break yet—I haven’t done anything.”
“Okay, yeah. Just to have breakfast, then! It’s bad to study on an empty stomach.”
“I already ate.”
“Oh. Well, to keep me company whileIeat, maybe?” Aiden’s smile was charming and warm, and Cade had to fight against its power.
“I don’t understand. Was your nerd-outreach program last night not enough? Do you have a quota to reach or something?”
Aiden frowned at him. “Don’t call yourself that. I mean, unless being a nerd is good. I don’t know. But there’s no quota. No outreach program. I just—”
“You just have trouble believing that there’s anyone on the planet who’s not interested in being friends with you?”
For the first time, Aiden’s easy confidence seemed shaken. “I don’t know. I mean, I don’t think it’s that personal, really. It’s not that I have trouble believing you don’t want to be friends withme. But it’s hard to believe you don’t want to be friends withanyone.”
Cade didn’t know what to say to that. He supposed it was true. Estelle was the closest thing he had to a friend, and he didn’t even know where she lived. Didn’t know her phone number, or what she did with her time when she wasn’t studying. Other than going to nerd-outreach parties, of course. “I have too much work to do,” he said quietly. Defensively.
“Schoolworkandat the caf,” Aiden agreed. “And it’s not like you’re in an easy major.”
“Yeah.” Cade felt like he should be arguing, saying something about the importance of work-life balance, just so he wasn’t going alongwith whatever the hell Aiden was up to. But he wasn’t quite that crazy, yet. “So, I’m going to get some work done.”
