“I think it’s a good thing you’re in engineering and not premed.”
“No kidding. It’d be such a waste to spend all that time in school when I could just be healing people by feeding them turkey and mashed potatoes.”
Aiden grinned at him, and Cade grinned back. And right there, in the back corner of the engineering library, it felt like something was going to happen. Like somethinghadto happen. There was a crackle of energy as they held each other’s gaze longer than they should have, and neither of them looked away. Cade swayed, almost as if he was dizzy, but Aiden was pretty sure it was just his body trying to do something and his brain sending a slightly different message. At least that was what it felt like.
But apparently Cade’s brain won. “We should get some work done,” he said, and he turned away and headed for his favorite study spot.
But Aiden didn’t follow him, and after a few steps Cade turned around and looked at him, then shuffled a little closer. “You okay?”
Aiden sighed. “Yeah. I’m okay.” He should probably let it go, but he didn’t think he could, not forever. “But, you know, for the record? Just in case, I don’t know, you decided that you might want to give me an early Christmas present and make all my wildest dreams come true? So, no pressure, but if you were thinking about kissing me just then and held back because you weren’t sure whether I still wanted that?” Probably Aiden was making a mistake, but he’d come this far, so he continued. “I totally do. I still want that. You. More than I can say. I want anything you want to give me.”
Cade was staring at him, but he hadn’t run away yet. So Aiden said, “The other day when we were walking down to dinner and our fingers brushed, twice, and maybe it was like we were about to hold hands? I wanted that. And the week before, when I loaned you that sweater and you sort of—okay, maybe you didn’t, butifyou did kind of give it an extra sniff when you put it on—I want that too. I mean, anything up to and including you dressing me up as a pony and riding me around campus half naked with a tail sticking out of my ass, I want it.”
Okay, that last little bit had been a step too far. “But not really the pony thing. Not unless you’rereallyinto it. And if it freaks you out that I mentioned it at all, let’s just forget about that part. I think maybe you gave me your cold, and we all know that things you say when you have a cold don’t—”
Aiden’s second kiss from Cade was a lot like the first one. A quick, almost furtive movement, too forceful to be called a peck but too quick to be anything else. And then Cade backed away again, his eyes wide for a moment, and then closed, as if he didn’t want to see the aftermath of his actions.
“Cade,” Aiden said softly. He reached out and wrapped his warm fingers around Cade’s cold hand. “Hey. Cade.”
Cade’s eyes opened cautiously and Aiden smiled at him. “That was the second worst kiss of my life,” Aiden told him. “The first worst? Well, it was with you too. So, really, we’re getting better. This one was marginally less terrible.” He shuffled a bit closer, his grip tight around Cade’s unresponsive fingers. “I think if we practice enough, we can get alotbetter. And I know what an overachiever you are, and how important it is for you to be—”
“Shut up, Aiden.” Somehow Cade made the words sound like an endearment.
Aiden smiled at him. “Make me.”
Cade’s cheeks were rosy with embarrassment; he clearly understood how Aiden thought he deserved to be silenced. “We’re at thelibrary, Aiden.”
“We don’t have to be,” Aiden suggested.
Cade yanked his hand free and his expression lost its softness. “Yes, we do.Ido. I’ve already given up a lot of time to spend with you. You can’t ask me to—”
“You’re right,” Aiden said quickly. “Sorry. You’re right. We should stay here. And study. You can study engineering and I’ll study you?”
“You’ll study political science,” Cade said firmly. His shoulders relaxed a little and he gave the hint of a smile as he added, “It’s notrealscience, but it’s the best you can do, so you should work on it.”
“But we’ll go for dinner, right? Study for a couple hours, then dinner?”
“That’s the plan,” Cade agreed. “That’s what we’ve done before.”
“But this time maybe we’ll hold hands or something,” Aiden said. He tried to sound nonchalant. Heshouldsound disgusted. He’d lost his virginity years ago, had practicallylivedwith Will the year before, and now he was somehow back to hand-holding? But he wasn’t disgusted at all.
He wasn’t even all that impatient. Sex would be good… well, sex would be great. But Cade was the really important thing. Holding hands with Cade would be better than full-on sex with anyone else. And if Aiden ever managed to get to the stage where he was having full-on sex withCade? He really wasn’t sure he’d be able to handle it.
“We need to study,” Cade said. He headed for his usual spot and pulled out his books, then sat down and seemed to instantly sink into his study trance. Aiden stared at him for a while, then deliberately turned and found his own spot at a table facing away from Cade. He pulled out his laptop and started working on his paper for his US Foreign Policy course.
He refused to let himself turn around, or quit working. It was strange to be playing games, but Cade’s kiss had given him confidence and he wanted to explore it a little. Cade liked him. That wasn’t going to change unless hereallyscrewed up. A little game wasn’t going to be a problem.
So Aiden worked. He actually got pretty interested in some of his reading, but not so much that he wasn’t always acutely aware of the sexy engineering student working away somewhere over his right shoulder. But Aiden was strong. He didn’t turn around. He watched the clock on his computer tick past five thirty, which was when they’d usually start packing up, and go all the way to six o’clock. Every other night he’d been the one to suggest they leave. This night, he was determined that hewouldn’t be. Cade had kissed him. Cadewantedhim, at least in some limited and tightly controlled Cade way. So let Cade come get him.
By six fifteen Aiden was going a little crazy. He read the same lines of text over and over, absorbing none of their meaning, and felt the muscles of his back tighten as he resisted the urge to turn around. By six twenty he was seriously considering giving up. What if Cade had left? What if he’d fallen asleep? Lost interest? Come to his senses?
But Aiden needed to be strong. He needed to reclaim at least alittleof his self-respect. So he stared at his computer screen as if it held the secrets of the universe, and at six twenty-four, he heard a rustle behind him and then the faintest brush of fingers over his shoulder. “You hungry yet?” Cade asked quietly.
A crazy, daring, masochistic part of Aiden wanted to say no. He could say he needed a few more minutes to really grasp the importance of the American role in Israel’s nuclear policy. But his body was out of his chair before his brain had a chance. “Starving,” he said, and he stuffed his laptop into his backpack.
“You seemed to be working really hard,” Cade said seriously as they headed for the exit. “I didn’t want to disturb you. Then I realized you’d been staring at the same screen for twenty minutes.”
“You must have been watching me pretty closely if you noticed that,” Aiden said, clawing desperately for any way to reclaim his dignity.
