And Cade wanted to keep it that way. It was stupid, but he wanted to protect Aiden. He wanted to keep him sheltered and innocent. It was for Aiden’s own good, but somehow it was for Cade’s good too. The world seemed a little brighter with people like Aiden in it.
If Aiden didn’t know about the darker parts of the world, he’d be happier,andhe wouldn’t think of Cade as being part of that darkness. The fewer people who knew what Cade had come from, the easier it would be for Cade himself to forget it. Letting Aiden into the house—had it been a mistake, or actually a calculated reveal? If Aiden was looking for reasons for Cade’s intensity, it was better to let him think he’d found the whole answer. It was easier for Cade to let Aiden know about his parents than to have Aiden find out how Cade had paid for his first year at Purdue. His high school grades and SAT scores had been enough to get himsomefinancial support for his first year, but it hadn’t been enough. So he’d done what he had to do, and then he’d worked his ass off once he got to school to make sure he’d never have to do it again. That was all in the past.
Yeah, it was all okay. It had been uncomfortable to let a stranger in that far, and horrible to treat his parents like he had. And now that he’d set up the pattern, he knew how he’d get them to sign the next set of documents he needed. A couple jugs of poison and a total lack of respect, and Cade could make his parents do whatever he wanted.
Aiden’s curiosity had been satisfied. He wouldn’t be nosing around Cade’s life anymore. And the papers had been signed—Cade could drop them off at the financial aid office and get the money he needed, and he wouldn’t have to pay back the amount he’d already received.
He should have been feeling better, he supposed. But maybe he needed time.
He oriented himself and started walking toward the highway. The later it got, the more dangerous hitchhiking was. It was harder for drivers to see pedestrians after dark, so the risk of being hit by a car was greater. And once people started drinking, they were more likely to be crazy. Cade didn’t want to get picked up by a car full of partiers.
So, screw it. This was his neighborhood, and he was in old Cade mode. It was still early fall, and he’d slept out on many nights colder than this one, driven out of the house by one thing or another.
The park was no good. It was always pretty full at night, and Cade wasn’t looking for company. He’d had a friend in junior high whose mom hadn’t minded if Cade stayed over sometimes, but they hadn’t talked in years, not since Cade decided he was getting the hell out and his friend had decided it was easier to stay. And the rest of the kids he’d known in high school had been the hard-working overachievers—none of them were likely to be interested in a surprise overnight visit from someone they’d never really been close with in the first place.
So he knew where he was going. He found his way to the familiar alley, slipped through the hole in the tall chain-link fence, and headed for the garage. Other people slept in the abandoned house sometimes, or kids got in and partied there. But the garage had always been safe and empty.
The door was still broken, nailed shut just as Cade had last seen it, but the pile of engine parts was there under the ripped tarp next to the wall, and Cade climbed easily on that, stretched for the high window and slid it open, then got a good grip and pulled himself upward. He wriggled like a snake, working his way inside, then turned around and slid the window shut. He was in a sort of storageloft, sheets of plywood stretched over the rafters of the garage. There was about four feet of headspace in the middle, but that sloped away quickly. But the lack of height didn’t matter. Cade had spent time up there, arranging the stored junk like the walls of a fortress so that nobody coming into the garage from below could reach the little space by the window.
It was dry. It was fairly safe. The neighbor’s security light shone in through the window brightly enough that he’d been able to do his homework by its light when things had been especially bad at home.
He wondered what would have happened to him if he hadn’t found this space. He’d been so close to giving up, so many times, that even the slightest setback might have been enough to push him too far.
And he still wasn’t secure. He couldn’t take a chance on a relationship that could never work. He’d done the right thing when he’d scared Aiden away. Right for both of them.
Cade pulled his extra sweatshirt out of his knapsack and put it on, then lay down on the plywood and shoved the knapsack under his head as a pillow. This was a temporary situation. He’d be back in his apartment the next morning. He would shut down all the extra feelings and get back to business.
But he wasn’t in his apartment right then. He was in the loft, where he’d escaped as a child and where he’d dreamed of finding something better. Those dreams had turned into hope, and hope into determination. Those dreams had gotten him out of his old life and into his new one. They’d felt like a luxury, but really they’d been an absolute necessity.
So for one more night, lying there on the plywood and staring up at the rafters over his head, Cade let himself dream. Maybe someday he could have even more than he’d managed so far. Maybe he could have a careerandsomebody to love.
Somebody like Aiden. Not Aiden himself—that was taking things too far, and tying dreams too closely to reality was a recipe for heartbreak. No, not Aiden, but maybe someonelikehim.
That was what Cade told himself. But when he closed his eyes and thought of someday falling asleep with someone next to him, his imagination was as disobedient as it always was. Imaginary Cade opened his eyes to find Aiden watching him, an affectionate smile playing on hisbeautiful lips. “Delicious pancakes,” Imaginary Aiden offered. And then a dog jumped up onto the bed and licked Cade’s face until Aiden pushed the dog away and kissed Cade himself.
“The pancakes can wait,” Imaginary Cade growled, and he wrapped his arms around Aiden and held him tight, too tight for anyone to tear him away.
Dreaming wasn’t a luxury Cade usually allowed himself, but this time? It felt good. He knew he’d remember it, and it gave him one more thing to work toward. Someday, with somebody, maybe he’d be able to make the dream come true.
Part Two
Chapter Nine
“I wishI’d known what you were up to,” Aiden’s mother said as she slid the plate of pancakes onto the table in front of him. They were in the breakfast nook with bright morning light streaming in through the windows, but her expression was anything but sunny. “I mean, what would you have done if something badhadhappened? Gotten involved?”
“Yeah, of course I would have,” Aiden retorted. “That was the whole point.”
“You followed a boy you barely know through a rough part of town, you watched him break into an abandoned building, and then you stood watch over that building all night long. And if something had happened,of courseyou would have gotten involved.” She stared at him in consternation. “It could have been dangerous, Aiden! Even you being there was dangerous. You were watching out for this other boy, but who was watching out foryou?”
It was probably a good question. It wasn’t like Aiden had been acting all that rationally the night before. “It was like I couldn’t do anything else,” he said, trying to explain to himself as well as to his mother. “He told me to go home, and I knew that made sense. But honestly, if Ihadgone home, I would have just paced around here all night worrying about him. I wouldn’t have gotten any sleep anyway. So it really seemed to make sense to be awakethere, so I could help him if he needed it, instead of being awakehere, where I’d be useless.”
“And then this morning you followed him to the highway and watched him get a ride with some stranger? As ifthatisn’t dangerous? Aiden, you don’t hitchhike, do you? It’sveryunwise!”
“I don’t hitch because I have a car, and a credit card that I can use to buy gas. But it’s not unwise for Cade to hitch—it’s how he gets around.” He saw her skeptical expression. “Would it bewiserfor him to stay in one place all the time? To limit his life to places he can walk to?”
She sighed in frustration and looked at his untouched breakfast. “Eat! And then go to bed. I want you well-rested for tonight.”
He’d thought about begging off the gala. He could drive down to the campus instead and try to track Cade down to make sure the hitchhiking had gone okay.
