It was too much. Too much exposure for one night, and Cade still had to deal with his parents and maybe finding somewhere to sleep, or else finding a ride back to Purdue, and then he had all his assignments to do. And that was the best-case scenario, the one where his parents actually signed the paperwork. If they didn’t? He had no idea what would happen if they didn’t. There was no way he could add the stress of getting into something with Aiden to all the rest of it. No matter how tempted he was. “I’d have to be crazy to not want to change it with you. And it’s not so much that I’mhappykeeping things the way they are. It’s just… it’s all I can handle. You know? I can’t divide my focus. Waste my energy.”
“Wasteyour energy? On doing something that would make you happy?”
“Short-term happy, long-term sad,” Cade said, and he stepped back onto the sidewalk. “I know I’m supposed to be strong enough to see that as a worthwhile exchange. Better to have loved and lost, and all that. But I can’t. Not yet.”
“Okay,” Aiden said quietly. Then he frowned, and Cade braced himself. “I mean, I don’t really agree with that. I don’t see why this would have to end badly and cause you trauma. But I respect your decision. Seriously. I can just be a friend, if that’s all you’re looking for.” He gave Cade a long look, then burst out with, “Although I swear to God, it would make my life a lot easier if you could try to keep your hands in your pockets!”
Cade was baffled. His hands? But he obligingly slid his hands into the front pockets of his loose jeans.
But Aiden groaned. “Fuck, no, don’t do that! Now I’m thinking about how close they are to your junk!” He took a moment to collect himself andthen said, “Okay. I’m going to need a bit of practice at this, but I can do it. I will ignore my strange fetish for guys with strong hands and long fingers. I will try to stop staring at them every time you make me a sandwich. I’ll ignore what an all-round excellent guy you are, in addition to being really good-looking. And having nice hands. We will be friends.”
If Cade had known he was going to do it he would have stopped himself. But apparently his body was tired of trying to figure out what his confused brain wanted and had decided to take over. He stepped forward quickly, leaned toward Aiden like one of those desk-toy birds that looks like it’s sipping water, and kissed him. Just a peck. But right on the lips.
There wasn’t much force to it but they both staggered back a little and stared at each other, and Cade was sure his eyes were as big and round as Aiden’s.
The golden boy, of course, was the first to recover. “Okay. It’s interesting that you did that as soon as I said I wasn’t going to pursue you anymore. Like maybe you didn’t like the idea of giving up entirely. And it would really be more flattering if you didn’t look so much like you’re about to puke. Or maybe like you got hit in the balls. Which, of course, can often lead to puking, so I guess maybe that’s what you look like. It’d be more flattering if you didn’t look like you got hit in the balls.” He waited for Cade, smiled encouragingly, then added, “Of course, talking about balls makes this sound almost sexual, but I’m definitely not seeing anything in your expression that makes me think you’re having sexy thoughts. If I’m wrong about that, you should let me know. Absolutely. I could help you with that. But we’d also have to work a bit on your facial expressions, because if this is your turned-on face, I really, really don’t want to see your O-face.”
“Okay, stop.” Cade said. He’d needed to be talked down a little, but now he needed some quiet. And Aiden went along with that. He stepped sideways and leaned his ass against the hood of his car and he waited, a patient smile on his face. He looked so good standing there, so beautiful and casual, and so completely, horribly out of Cade’s league. This was not a heartache Cade could afford to charge into. Which meant he needed to stop looking at Aiden.
He managed to look away, and when his gaze hit the battered gutters of his parents’ house, he was able to drag himself back to reality. He was here to save his academic future—hisentirefuture—not to kissbeautiful boys. “Sorry,” he said. “I don’t really know why that happened. It was an accident.”
Aiden raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything out loud.
“I have stuff I need to do. Now. Stuff I need to take care of. But, yeah. Thanks for the ride and everything.”
Aiden waited as if hoping for more, then pushed himself away from the car. “Okay,” he said. “You’ve got my number. I’m busy for about five hours tomorrow night. Any other time I am absolutely free and would be happy to chauffeur you around as you do your stuff, if you need that. Or hang out. Possiblymakeout, if you felt like doing anything like that. Your call.” He stopped. “Okay, possibly I’m getting stalkery again. Like, sexually harassing you. We had all this sensitivity training stuff at the frat last month, and I had a bit of trouble converting some of it to the gay context, but I get that it would be annoying to have someone coming on to you all the time when you only want to be friends. In my defense, youdidjust kiss me, and you didn’t ask for explicit verbal consent before that happened. So I don’t think we’re exactly following the rules, here.”
“I don’t feel harassed,” Cade replied. “But I don’t think I’m going to call you and suggest we make out.”
“We could skip right past that stage and go straight to the sex, if you like.”
“I appreciate the options. I have to go now.”
“Okay. And just for the record… if you see my car driving past your house a few times tomorrow, that’snotbecause I’m stalking you. I might happen to have business in the neighborhood.”
“Is this where your dealer lives?”
Aiden snorted. “Hell, no. My dealer wouldn’t be caught dead in this neighborhood.” He stepped backward toward the car, then looked wistfully in Cade’s direction. “I really want to kiss you good-bye.”
Cade’s gut twisted with want so strong it was almost need. But his brain was back in control. “I can’t do that,” he said. He made himself turn around, raised his arm in a sort of backward wave, and called, “Thanks,” over his shoulder. He squeezed through the waist-high chain-link gate that had been stuck half open for as long as he could remember and headed for the front door. He could still hear the growling purr of the Mustang’s enginebut didn’t let himself turn around to check on Aiden. Instead, he pulled the screen door open and knocked, then checked the handle. Unlocked.
He took a deep breath, threw another half wave over his shoulder, and eased the door open. “Hello,” he called cautiously. “Anybody home?”
He heard movement in the kitchen, but there were no lights on in that room. His parents weren’t generally aggressive and certainly weren’t armed, but Cade didn’t actually know who else might be living in the house. It would be pretty pathetic to end up as a story in the newspaper—the poor innocent college student who got shot and killed because he came home unexpectedly. “It’s Cade,” he called. “Hello?”
“Cade?” It was his mother’s voice. He heard her say something else, the words too low to hear, and he figured she was talking to someone else in the kitchen. Then a light flipped on. Seven at night and his mother and someone else had been sitting in a dark kitchen, not talking.
It should have seemed strange, but it wasn’t, really. They did most of their drinking in the kitchen, because Cade’s mom liked to mix her gin with juice, and she liked the juice cold. Easier to stay near the fridge than stagger in from the living room every time she needed a refill. So they’d been drinking in there that afternoon, when there was still light coming in through the window. And then they’d passed out, and it had gotten dark, and now Cade was waking them up. Simple.
He walked cautiously through the dimly lit hall and sure enough, there were his parents, sitting at the battered kitchen table with some other guy, all three of them bleary-faced and disheveled.
“Where you been, Cade?” Cade’s father knew better than to try to stand up too quickly, so he stayed seated.
It had been more than a year since Cade had seen either of his parents, but they looked about the same as they always had. A bit older, maybe. A year of heavy drinking probably equaled a few years of healthy living, as far as deteriorating bodies went. But nothing else was new.
Nothing was new except Cade. He’d felt different when he was outside. Stronger, more in control. Outside of this house, he was a young man with a future. But as soon as he’d stepped in the door, he’d felt all of that starting to drain away. Because here, in this kitchen, he was the same Cade he’d always been. The Cade he’d sworn he would never be again.
Chapter Seven
