“No. I said I’m fine,” I said, nudging him away with my shoulder.
Noah retreated back to his desk. “That's the least convincing sentence in the English language.”
I ignored him and sank back onto the bed. Everything inside me was fraying at the edges—the pressure, the secrecy, the confusion, all of it tugging in different directions.
“We’ll figure out what to do,” Noah said, still watching me. “But please, for the love of God, tell me if something else comes up. Any weird texts, any screenshots—anything. You can’t pretend this doesn’t exist.”
“I’m not pretending. Can you just quit it, Noah?” My anger was rising. He was being too much. Pushing to far. I could handle this myself.
“No, you’re already repressing this.”
I sat up and shot stern a look at him. “Stop Noah.”
Noah turned his chair away from me and back to his desk. “I guess you’re determined to prove my debate thesis tonight, so thanks for that.”
“You know what?” I stood up. “Maybe I don’t need a fucking therapist for a roommate. Maybe I just need five minutes where someone’s not analyzing every goddamn thing I do.”
Noah turned. “I’m trying to help you.”
“I didn’t ask for help.”
“Yeah, well, someone has to, because you’re about two seconds from imploding and you’re too stubborn to see it.”
“Jesus Christ.” I grabbed my jacket off the back of my chair. “I need air.”
“Liam—”
“I’ll be back later.”
I didn’t wait for his response. I just walked out, letting the door swing shut behind me with more force than necessary.
The night air hit me like a slap. I shoved my hands in my pockets and started walking with no destination in mind, just the need to move, to burn off the anger.
The campus was quiet this late. A few lights glowed in dorm windows. Somewhere in the distance, music thumped from a party. I walked past the library and the dining hall, towards the river walk.
Noah was right. That was the worst part. He was right and I hated him for it.
I was scared. Terrified.
Not just of the video, but the fact that tomorrow morning I would be bow to bow with Alex in front of everyone. I would have to look in in the eyes and I knew he would make me feel that way again. And now we were in deep trouble… together.
I just wanted it to be over.
The path curved toward the river, and I followed it without thinking, my feet carrying me to the one place that had always made sense. I made it down to the river walk and the waterwas black and still under the moonlight. I stood at the edge and stared out at it, trying to quiet the noise in my head.
Tomorrow was coming either way.
And I had no choice but to meet it head-on.
But tonight—tonight I could just continue to walk and let myself feel all of it. The fear, the anger, the want.
Noah was right, maybe I shouldn't try to push it all away. Maybe I should just let it all take me over instead of festering in the darkness. But honestly, I had no idea to even start to feel all that stuff. Pushing it away was automatic, it was how I got through life without getting seriously depressed.
I walked along the river and took a few deep breath's trying to pull the feelings from wherever they were hiding. Nothing happened immediately. So I continued to walk and breathe and I'd just do that for a while.
Then I’d go back, apologize to Noah, and pretend I was fine again.
Because that’s what I did best.
