Frederick stared at her, his face a mask of anguish.
"What are you saying?" His voice was barely above a whisper. "Lydia, what are you saying?"
"I'm saying it's over." The words felt like murder. "I'm saying that I won't let you sacrifice everything for me. I'm saying that the kindest thing I can do, the only thing I can do, is let you go."
"No."
"Frederick…"
"No." He grabbed her hands, holding them so tightly it almost hurt. "I won't accept this. I won't let you walk away because you think you're saving me."
"I'm not thinking it. I know it."
"You don't know anything." His voice was rising now, desperate. "You're scared, Helena scared you, and you're running away."
"Maybe I am. Maybe this is cowardice dressed up as sacrifice." She felt her heart shattering, she felt it breaking into pieces that would never fit back together. "But I'd rather be a coward who sets you free than a brave woman who watches you burn."
"I don't want to be free. I want to be yours."
"You can't be mine. Don't you understand?" She pulled her hands free of his grip, stepping back. "You were never meant to be mine. We were never meant to be anything."
"How can you say that? After everything we've…"
"What have we done, Frederick? We've known each other for a few weeks. A month, at most." Her voice was steadier now, colder; she was building walls, putting distance between her heart and her words. "In the grand scheme of a life, that's nothing. A moment. A flicker."
"It's notnothing. It's everything."
"To you, perhaps. Because you've never had anything like this before. Because you were so starved for connection that the first person who looked at you kindly seemed like salvation." She forced herself to meet his eyes, to watch the impact of her words. "But I'm not your salvation, Frederick. I'm just a woman. An ordinary woman with an ordinary life. And you deserve more than ordinary."
"I don't want more than ordinary. I want you."
"You think you do. Right now, in this moment, you believe it with all your heart. But that's infatuation talking, not reason." She was quoting Helena now, using the viscountess's poison as a weapon. It made her sick, but she couldn't stop. "Infatuation fades. It always fades. And when it does, you'll look around at everything you've given up, and you'll wonder why."
"I won't."
"You will. You're a Hawthorne. It's what you do." The cruelty of the words surprised even her. "Your grandfather gave up the woman he loved and spent forty years regretting it. Your father buried his emotions until there was nothing left to bury. And you—you'll follow the same pattern, one way or another. Either you'll sacrifice love for duty, as they did, or you'll sacrifice duty for love and spend the rest of your life wondering if it was worth it."
Frederick’s face had gone pale. "That's not fair."
"No. It's not. None of this is fair." She took another step toward the door. "But I'm not going to be the experiment that proves which path is worse. I'm not going to spend my life watching you calculate the cost of loving me."
"I'm not calculating…"
"You will be. Eventually. When the doors close and the whispers start. When your children are snubbed by the children of your peers. When you sit in the House of Lords and realise that no one takes you seriously anymore because you married a blacksmith's niece." Her voice cracked, but she pushed through. "You'll calculate it then. And I can't bear to watch that happen."
"Lydia, please." He was begging now, actually begging, the Duke of Corvenwell reduced to pleading with a woman who was actively breaking his heart. "Don't do this. Don't let Helena win."
"This isn't about Helena. This is about us; about what we are and what we can never be." She reached the door, her hand on the handle. "You're a duke. I'm a blacksmith's niece. In another world, maybe that wouldn't matter. But in this world, it matters more than anything."
"It doesn't matter to me."
"It will. Give it time."
"How much time? A year? Ten years? Fifty?" His voice was raw. "How long do I have to wait before you believe that my love is real?"
"Forever." The word came out barely above a whisper. "You could love me forever, and I would still wonder if it was enough. If I were enough. If the cost was worth it." She turned to face him one last time, and the pain in his eyes nearly destroyed her resolve. "That's no way to live, Frederick. That's no way for either of us to live."
"So you're just going to leave? Walk away from everything we could have been?"
