“No, good sir, I beg of thee.”
“Begging will get you nowhere, for this court will show you no mercy.”
“Please sir, what if I offer my body in penance? My ample bosom to do with as you wish?”
“Silence, harlot! I am a chaste man of the utmost purity,” I snapped. “Now, I will tickle the devil out of you.” I wrapped my hands around her sides and commenced the tickling, yelling, “Leave this woman, foul spirits, exit from whence you came.”
Tess howled with laughter. “Oh my god, I can’t breathe.”
“That’s the Jesus working.”
“I’m going to pee.”
“That’s the devil’s elixir leaving your body.”
Tess grabbed for my arms, trying to pull them off her and I grinned, kissing her.
“Be rid of thy sin in yon chamber pot, then return to your good and true husband, who from what I hear sounds completely reasonable, and requests sex with completely normal frequency.”
I released her and she scrambled off the bed, waddling off to the bathroom, knees together like a penguin trying to win the one-hundred-yard dash.
Tess walked back in a few minutes later, rubbing lotion on her hands. “Wanna go out or order in?”
“Pizza?”
“Works for me.”
Once we’d ordered in, we started our show and hunkered down for an easy night in.
* * *
Tess
Two weeks later…
“Tess!” Cameron called from the front of the house, and I heard the front door close.
I squeezed my eyes shut and dropped my head.
“Tess? Where are you?”
“Back here,” I called.
I heard his keys hit the ceramic dish on the console in the foyer and then his footsteps in the hallway as he made his way closer to me.
“Why are you sitting on the toilet?” he asked, hunkering down in front of me. “Are you sick?”
“Probably.”
“Baby, you need to give me more words.”
I sighed, opening the drawer next to me and pulling out the two pregnancy tests I’d taken twenty minutes ago, and setting them on the counter.
“Holy shit, you’re pregnant?”
“I am.” I dragged my hands down my face. “Yourbionic sperm broke through my SHOT.”
“What? Oh, my god!” He stood, pulling me up with him. “Baby, this is fantastic.”
