“Of all your ‘pearls of wisdom,’ that is absolutely the biggest load of crap of all,” I said.
“Crap!” Cameron exclaimed. “I almost got a swear word out of you.”
“How can you crack jokes? If this doesn’t work, Sasha will kill us, and he’ll take his time.”
“That’s exactly why I’m cracking jokes. Otherwise, I’d have to think about how afraid I am.”
I raised an eyebrow. “You’re afraid?”
He reached over and linked his fingers with mine. “Of course, I am. I’d have to be some sort of sociopath if I wasn’t. You’re right. Sasha is a powerful and dangerous man who wouldn’t think twice about killing us, but we have a job to do. And that job is to convince Sasha that we have the upper hand. If Darwood diverges from the script or tries anything funny, we’ll have to improvise. Otherwise, we stick to the plan. Soon enough, Sasha Fedya will be eating out of the palms of our hands.”
“That’s a gross thought, but I appreciate the pep-talk.”
We met Officer Hart and the guest of honor at Pulkova airport, which is only about twenty-five kilometers from Sasha’s estate and can accommodate private jets. How a retired spook was able to pull off an assist like this was nothing short of amazing.
As we pulled up, I could see a tall man, dressed in what looked like a very nice suit standing outsidethe plane.
“Eleanor, Noah, it’s always nice to see you,” Officer Hart greeted us in character as instructed. There was little risk of Sasha having eyes on an airport tarmac, but it was best to stay sharp no matter where we were.
Officer Hart was tall, blond, handsome, and even more of a Dirk Squarejaw type thanmyDirk Squarejaw. He had broad shoulders and stood a few inches taller than Cameron.
“Thanks for getting the boss here safely. I think this trip is going to be worth everybody’s effort,” Wallace said, shaking Hart’s hand.
“Sure,” Hart said, curtly.
Having seen Cameron’s genuine smile so many times over the past week, I could tell the one he was giving Officer Hart was as fake as the Matisse I sold to Sasha.
Then Krist Darwood, the Man from Brussels himself, emerged from the jet and made his way down the steps and onto the tarmac where he introduced himself.
At least, that’s what I’d write in my report. In reality, I had to stifle a laugh when a man I can only describe as “looking like a balloon man made by a children’s party clown,” squeezed and wriggled out of the jet’s doorway. His jet-black dyed combover belonged in the hall of fame of bad hairdos. His suit, while clearly expensive, would have looked better if a reclining chair was wearing it. He was squatty, misshapen, and had the skin complexion of Silly Putty.
And then he spoke. “Yeah, Yeah, good to seeyouse two,” Mr. B said in a pinched, nasally, Great Lakes accent. “Now, how far’s dis fuckin’ house I gotta drive all da way out to? Cuz da crapper in dis fuckin’ model airplane here is busted, and I gotta take a fuckin’ leak so bad my eyeballs are fuckin’ floatin’.”
Now, I can’t tell you how I’d pictured Mr. B to look and sound, exactly. But I can assure you, this was not it. This man did not present himself as a feared member of a violent criminal underworld. This man looked more like he should be complaining to a tour bus leader on some crappy vacation package deal.
“You’re not stepping foot in that airport building,” I said.
“And we’re not stopping on the way,” Wallace chimed in.
“But I gotta piss,” Mr. B whined.
“Then I guess you’re gonna have to find a bush,” I said.
“Abush? Lady, where da fuck am I supposed to find a fuckin’ bush. We’re on a tarmac. We may as well be in the fucking dessert, that’s how many fuckin’ bushes are out here. Who am I, Moses? I’m supposed to conjure up some magic fuckin’ bush?”
“He always like this?” Wallace asked Officer Hart.
Hart shook his head. “No. Sometimes he’s difficult.”
Wallace bent down to face Darwood at eye level, pulling him close. “I’d like to get something straight, right off the bat, if that’s okay.”
Darwood shrugged.
“Good,” Wallace said. “First of all, I don’t know what kind of officers you’re used to dealing with.”
Officer Hart scowled, his spine stiffening.
“But you’re on my watch now, so you’d better stow your shit and get into character right fucking now before you get us all killed. Nod once if you understand.”
