“That thing where you minimize things. Or, more specifically, minimizeme. You don’t have a problem with me. You have a problem with the idea of me,” he said.
“What the heck are you talking about?”
“I’m a straw man to every one of your personal battles against men in general. I’ve done absolutely nothing but support you and save your ass ever since I got here. Hell, you even said it yourself. But for some reason, I’ve been digging my way out of a hole that I didn’t create since minute one with you.”
Wallace’s words burned my ears. He was one hundred percent right. Of course, I couldn’t just tell him that, right? I mean, why come right out and say how you feel when you could come up with an analogy that will probably only serve to confuse him even more?
“Did you watch Bugs Bunny when you were a kid?” I asked.
Wallace chuckled. “Have you ever considered taking a course on how to properly employ the use of a segue? Of course, I did. Saturday morningcartoons were free and in our house we jumped on every form of free entertainment there was.”
“You remind me of Bugs Bunny,” I said.
“Now, that’s a new one. What in the fresh hell about me could possibly remind you of Bugs fuckin’ Bunny?”
“First of all, you’re a wiseass know-it-all.”
“If that’s the reason, then you need to join me for the ears and tail fitting, lady.”
I rolled my eyes. “Do you remember that one cartoon where Bugs is sleepwalking?”
“Yeah, yeah. And he walks all through the city and goes through that construction site.”
“That’s it!” I said, excitedly. “You remind me of Bugs Bunny sleepwalking through a construction site. You move forward through dangerous places with blind confidence, just like Bugs walked along the I-Beams as they rose and fell. And each and every time Bugs got to the end of one of those beams, another would swing into place with perfect precision for him to step onto.”
He frowned. “I’m not quite sure if that’s a compliment or a putdown.”
“It’s infuriating and inspiring is what it is,” I said. “I’ve had to work twice as hard as my male counterparts to get where I am, and it may seem like I’m bitching about that, but I’m not. It’s just—”
“It’s just that you think things come easier to me than they do to you,” he said, matter-of-factly.
“Well, yes,” I said, once again surprised by how succinctly he’d nailed me. I never felt judgement when Wallace would size me up like that, but morelike he’d employed a sort of shorthand to let me know I was heard. There didn’t seem to me a passive aggressive bone in his body.
“You may be surprised to learn that I am not thegolden boyyou seem to think I am. Most of the people I know, including my family, think I’m at least half a fuckup. But I take it on. I shoulder the judgement and the hits to my ego in order to do what I feel is important work. The Agency has given me a higher purpose. Hopefully, one day, I can share that purpose with my family. I’ll tell you something, it’s been kind of amazing to be able to share the experience with you, because you understand the life. Now, I’d like you to understand who I am.”
“I didn’t mean to offend you,” I said, quietly.
“Don’t worry, it takes a hell of a lot more than calling me a spoiled, entitled, ne’er do well to offend me.”
I laughed. “I’m not sure that’s exactly what I said, but point taken.”
“Let me ask you another question,” he said. “Do you like me?”
“Well, sure,” I said, a bit confused.
“Sure, you like me? That’s not exactly what I’d call a ringing endorsement.”
“Well, obviously I do,”—I motioned between our two partly-dressed bodies—“but I’m not sure what you’re asking.”
“I’m asking if you like me, because I’ll tell you straight up, Tess. I like you. I like you a lot, and I don’t meet a whole lot of people that I likea lot. It’s also been a couple of beats since I’ve met a womanI’ve been this interested in. On the other hand, I’m not stupid and I know that dangerous, life-threatening situations can spur on a host of emotions including heightened sexual appetite, but I think I’d feel the same about you wherever and whenever we met. I feel connected to you, which is great, but also kinda scares the ever-loving shit outta me.”
“Cheeze-its, Bugs. That was a lot.”
“Don’t let the Brooklyn accent fool ya, Doc,” he said, doing the worst Bugs Bunny impression I’d ever heard. “I’m one deep thinkin’ rabbit.”
“Wow, that was the worst Bugs Bunny I’ve ever heard.”
“Come out here on the edge of the I-Beam with me, Tess,” he said in a far more serious tone. “We’re great partners. I don’t think either of us knows why or how in the hell we managed to find each other, but we have. Blame it on God, galactic timing, Red Chaos, or the fates, but here we are. Our very lives are in each other’s hands. It doesn’t get any more real than that. What do you say?”
