“Yes, dear. I’ll be right out.” she called back before adding, “Be nice to my friend.”
Satisfied that Granny hadn’t been killed by the mysterious drifter now sitting in her recliner, I rejoined him in the living room. “Why are you sitting in Granny’s chair? Let me rephrase that.Howis it that you’re sitting in my Granny’s chair and you’re not dead. No one is allowed to sit in that recliner.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Furtherproof that I am, in fact, the official G.O.D., granny on duty.”
This one was puzzling. For as long as I can remember, Granny’s chair was Granny’s chair. There had been many of them over the years of course, various makes and models, but whatever chair was deemed ‘her chair,’ shall not be sat upon without express permission from Granny herself. Her lap, once seated in her chair, was most welcomed, but never a tushy shall touchy when she was away. Yet, this large, eloquent, quite handsome, tramp of a man looked completely at home seated in Granny’s fully automated, hydraulic lifting, recliner.
“Let’s try this again. Who the hell are you?” I demanded.
“I already told you,” he repliedwith a sexy smirk. “Ireallyfeel like you’re not reading the shirt.”
My fears began to subside. Whoever this guy was, Granny clearly knew he was here, and she seemed okay, so I played back. “You don’t look much like Granny,” I challenged.
“How can you say that?” the drifter said, mocking offense.
Ice blue eyes peered out from behind the tangles of his blond hair. Despite the fact that he needed an appointment with a barber, or perhaps a dog groomer, he was hot. He couldn’t have been older than his early thirties, but his face told a story of a life spent on the road.
I took a step closer to him. “First of all, your eyes don’t look anything like hers.”
“You’re not used to seeing me without my glasses on, that’s all.”
“Oh, yeah? Then where are your glasses, Granny?”
“Don’t need them anymore. I got Lasik. All the better to see you with,” he said in a smokey tone.
I crossed my arms. “What about your ears? You were half deaf last time I was here and now you don’t seem to be struggling at all.”
He shook his head. “Oh, I was just ignoring you all those times before. I can hear just fine. Better than ever, in fact.”
I took another step towards him, trying to get an even better look without getting too close. His heavy black boots looked like they could tell a thousand stories of their own. “Those are mighty big feet you’vegot there, Granny.”
“The better to spin you around on the dance floor with.”
I let out a laugh. “Is that so? I didn’t know grannies of your age still went out dancing?”
“Friday nights from eight to ten is for line dancin’ only at the Saddle Rack.”
“You go to the Rack for line dancing?” I raised an eyebrow. “Is that right?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Okay, Granny.” I crossed my arms. “What about the beard? How do you explain that beard?”
“What can I say? Menopause was a bitch. But I’ll tell ya what. Now that it’s all grown in, I think I’m gonna keep it.”
I stifled a laugh. “Okay, okay,” Isaid. “That all checks out. But my granny definitely wears dentures, and you seem to have quite a healthy and impressive set of chompers in your mouth. What do you say about that?”
“Oh, you mean these?” he asked, bearing pearly whites that couldn’t possibly belong to a vagrant. “These you’ll have to find out for yourself.”
“Why’s that?” I asked.
“Because they’re all the better to eat you w—”
“Oh, good,” Granny said, entering the room. “I see you’ve met Snarl,” she added, shuffling over to me for a quick hug. “See, Snarly, didn’t I tell you my granddaughter was beautiful?”
“You sure did, Shirley,” Snarl said, standing and taking her tinyhands in his giant paws. “But I have to say, she’s even prettier than you said.”
“Your name isSnarl?”
