She nodded witha grin. “Exactly like Cash.”
“Fuck,” Ihissed.
“There’ssomething about that guy I don’t like about myself,” she said, repeatingsomething our dad used to say.
“Okay, no needto rub it in,” I said.
She smiled slylyover her the rim of her coffee cup. “Now, stop your grumbling and get togroveling.”
“But what if I—”
“I mean it, Hucky,get on your Zamboni and ride on outta here.”
“Fine.” Isighed. “There’s a florist on the corner, I could start there, I guess.”
“That’s anegatory, little bro,” Louisa retorted. “She’s not a flower kinda gal.”
“What? What kindof woman doesn’t like flowers?”
“The kind ofwoman who has a name like Daisy.”
I pressed mypalms into my eye sockets. “Fuck me.”
“Time to getcreative, Hucky. I’m going to take a nap,” she said. “Good luck.”
I flopped ontothe sofa and pulled my phone out of my pocket. I had no idea how to getcreative, but I figured the internet was a good way to start.
* * *
Daisy
After kickingHuck out, I busied myself with overcleaning my condo, then eating a tub of icecream. When neither did the trick, I grabbed a controller from the charger, andpowered up my gaming console, hoping to find a worthy opponent at this latehour.
Weapons ofWarcraft Six had just been released and I hoped infiltrating a cell of zombieterrorists would help me blow off some steam.
To my relief, Ididn’t have to wait long untiluser:DeathStlkr69entered the game, inviting me to a head-to-head match. A guy with a douchey,‘macho’ name like that was the perfect target for my third-degree rage. Afteraccepting his invitation, I logged in as my avatar, and took my position.
At first,everything was going as planned. I was straight-up trouncing this guy, and itwasn’t until my third, beatdown, that things took a turn. My chat box pingedwith a message from my opponent.
DeathStlkr69:Hey, dude, lighten up, thisgame is supposed to be fun.
Dude? See, thisis exactly what I’m talking about. This piece of shit, male chauvinist, assumesthat just because I’m playing a video game, that I must be a guy.
I couldn’t waitto flame this incel.
DeadZmbeezRUs:First of all, I’m not aDUDE. I’m a WOMAN. And second, if your punk ass can’t stand the heat, I suggestyou get the hell out of my kitchen. Cuz all I’m serving here is ass whoopinsand tittie milk, but I’m fresh outta tittie milk. So if that’s what you need, Isuggest you call your mama for some. Oh, wait, your mama didn’t want you, andleft you on the doorstep of the loser factory. Maybe if you keep crying aboutlosing, somebody will feel sorry for you and adopt you.
I pushed enterwith a chuckle and waited for whatever weak sauce reply he was going to try andserve. Several minutes passed without so much as a peep. Until, finally, I gota notification. Or, more specifically, his mother replied.
DeathStlkr69:I don’t know who you are,but this is Josh’s mother, and I’m going to report you to the authorities forinappropriate language and harassment of a minor. What kind of sick monsterberates a 12-year-old child on his birthday? All my sweet angel wanted was thisgame and now he’s traumatized. If this harassment persists, you can expect tohear from my attorney.
Angel? Angel, myass. That little pervert has sixty-nine right there in his username. I droppedmy head to the desk. Figures I can’t even play a video game without saying thewrong thing and pissing somebody off.
Maybe Josh’s momis right. Maybe I am a monster, frightening children and traumatizing the grownmen around me.
As I continuedto spiral, my computer pinged, and I glanced at the screen. A second chat boxappeared with a message request from an anonymous user. I clicked accept andopened the message.
GuestUser0429765:Fuck with me again, bitch,and I’ll tell my mother you requested naked pictures of me. You better watchyour back. This is my house.
