“Okay, baby. I’mjust gonna sit here with you until you can.”
“There’s nothingto say,” I continued.
“I know.”
“You seriouslycan go back to your room. I’m just going to shower and go to bed,” I said.
“I’m not goinganywhere, Melody,” he repeated. “I’m crashing here tonight.”
I scoffed.“Well, that’s ridiculous.”
“Is it?”
“Yeah,” I said,trying to wiggle out from his hold. He held firm. “Train, I’m fine. I just needto rest.”
“Rest will come,honey,” he said. “But I’m gonna hold you while you do it.”
I frowned. “Youreally don’t have to do that. I’ve been alone a long time. I’m good at taking careof myself.”
“Never said youweren’t.”
“He was doing sowell. I made sure he had a sober coach with him at all times. He was making hismeetings.” I blew a breath out through my lips as I picked at my nail polish.“I mean, I’ve been around enough addicts to know that often times that’s how ithappens, you know? Everything’s going great, then, bam, they OD. But thatwasn’t Puddin’. He was really doing great. He and his daughter were talkingagain. He was happy. He was playing his ass off…” I blinked back tears.
“Yeah, baby, Iknow.”
“He was like thebig brother I never had. He was one of my best friends.” I met Train’s eyes.“What am I going to do without him?”
The second thosewords left my lips, I broke, and the floodgates opened. That’s when Train releasedme. But only long enough to scoop me up and carry me to the overstuffed chairin the living room of the hotel suite, sitting down and settling me on his lapbefore dragging a warm blanket over both of us.
In the cocoon ofhis arms, I buried my face in his neck, wrapping my arms around him and holdingtight as I sobbed uncontrollably. Train said nothing. Just stroked my back as Ilet the pain and grief leave my body. Even if it might only be for a littlewhile.
“I’m so mad athim right now,” I hissed out. “If he wasn’t dead, I’d kill him.”
“Yeah, baby, Iknow.”
“If he washaving trouble, he could have talked to me.” I sat up slightly, slapping thetears from my cheeks. “And that fucking sorry ass excuse for a sober coach. Ishould have fired him sooner. I should sue him for wrongful death is what Ishould do.”
Train stroked mycheek. “It’s okay, baby. It’s natural for you to be angry, just be carefulwhere you point that anger.”
“I know, butBill should have caught whatever I missed.”
“I hear you,honey, but sometimes addicts slip. It happens all the time, despite everyone’sbest efforts.”
I huffed. “ButPuddin’ was so happy.”
“I know, but,ultimately, do we really know people deep down if they don’t want us to see thereal them?”
I bit my lip. “ButI want to tell Bill he’s a fucking sorry ass excuse for a sober coach.”
“I’m sure youdo,” he said. “But…”
I sighed. “Heprobably feels like shit, and I’d be piling onto someone who did his best, andultimately, it was Puddin’s choice to put the needle in his own arm.” I floppedback against him. “Stop making me think logically when I’m angry.”
“I know. This isan illogical situation and it’s normal to be pissed that your friend died,especially when drugs are involved.” He held me tighter and stroked my hair.“You’re gonna get through it, but you’re not gonna do it alone.”
“I shouldn’thave called Bill a fucking sorry ass excuse for a sober coach. He’s a niceman.”
Train chuckled.“Baby, this is your safe place. You can say anything about anyone at any timeand it will never leave my lips. I see you.”
