Chapter One
Ican’t breathe.
I plop my flouncy, satin-clad butt down on a stone bench behind the hotel, picking up my phone and dialing my best friend Julia.
I know part of it’s the wedding dress. The corset is so tight my ribs feel like they’re touching.
The other part is people.So. Many. People.
From where I’m sitting, I can see a man in a gardening outfit on his knees in the distance, kneeling beside a lush rose bush, tending to it with the kind of care a mother shows a newborn baby.
What a dream it would be to have a job like that. No people. Just roses and the sweet sun in my hair.
Breathe.
“Come on,” I say to the phone.
“Hello?” Julia’s voice is crackly when she answers a moment later.
Relief floods me. “Hey!” I stand up, pacing the garden. I desperately want to chew my nails. “Hey, so I, like, can’t breathe. That’s normal, right?”
Pause. “Maggie?” Julia asks. “Are you there? Sorry, the line’s terrible. I’m on the ferry. Are you okay? I’m sorry I couldn’t get there sooner; my boss was beingsucha jerk again.”
I sigh. “I’m here.”
Julia’s an event planner who currently works herself to the bone for very little thanks. Her dream is to open her own business, but she’s always too busy to even think about it. She had to beg and steal the day off for my wedding and still wasn’t able to take the full day.
Still, just hearing her voice makes it a little easier to breathe. So does the scent of the garden I’ve wandered into. I inhale deeply, my nostrils filling with the sweet scent of spring roses.
“You know what?” I say, feeling calm again. “I’m fine. I just…I put on the dress early, just so this would feel real, you know?”
“Mags! The wedding’s not for another three hours. Where’s Jeff?”
“In his room. Getting ready, probably.” Knowing Jeff, he’s probably reciting his vows in the mirror. I’m surprised I can’t hear his voice from here, honestly. Unlike me, Jeff loves huge crowds. Feels at home in them. Julia does, too, which is why I knew Jeff and I would work so well. Julia and I are like yin and yang.
Jeff and I are too. Kind of. Things have been feeling a little stilted lately, but that’s just because our lives are changing so much. Plus, wedding planning is exhausting.
“Okay,” Julia says. “That’s good.” There’s a slight stiffness to her voice. Julia was lukewarm about Jeff when we first started dating. But when I told her we were serious, she got in line. I’m tempted to ask her what it was about him that gave her pause now, but it doesn’t matter. We’re about to be married.
We chat about details for the day, and by the time she says she has to go, I feel so much better. It’s always like this when speaking to the few people in my inner circle. If it were up to me,the wedding would be me, my fiancé, Julia, and Mom. Dad, if he were alive, of course.
At least I got the wedding by the sea—we’re on a little island off the coast of Redbeard Cove, BC, which is on a strip of coast only accessible by ferry. The only thing on this island is the hotel. Jeff says the place makes him feel trapped, but when we toured it, it felt like home to me.
“Okay, listen,” Julia says. “I’m going to be there as soon as I—” She cuts out. Then she comes back. “…all you have to say isI do. And smell the roses.”
I laugh. Roses. It’s kismet, because I’m standing in the most beautiful garden I’ve ever seen. “Thanks, Jules. See you soon.”
Everything’s going to be fine. I end the call.
I wasn’t being euphemistic. The place is incredible. Roses in every size and shade imaginable burst forth in every direction. So what if I have to deal with three hundred people—most of them Jeff’s friends and colleagues?
The man in the gardening suit—is that what it’s called? A gardening onesie, maybe?—pulls a rose down and brushes his thumb over the petals with a tenderness that makes me smile.
I smell one of the roses next to me, and my smile grows wider. I should call Jeff to see when the makeup and hair people are getting here. His hairstylist is the one doing my hair. Once I’m fully ready, I’ll feel amazing. I just know it.
When I pull out my phone, I pause for a moment and study my wallpaper. Jeff has his arm wrapped around me. I’m smiling, but I can see the panic in my eyes now—a shadow in my smile. There were so many people there that day too.
I give my cheek a light slap.
