No. Agift. Because this agony means my bond to my mate still lives and that…that is the biggest blessing there is.
I drag a hand across my sternum, trying to breathe through the unrelenting pressure constricting my rib cage. “I feel like my skin’s too tight. I can’t…I can’t fucking breathe knowing she’s so far away.”
Something shifted between us last night. I’d been fighting the need to go to her for days, but my wolf made the decision for us by forcibly taking over. Without hesitation, he ran over state lines to get to her and then spent the night wrapped around her. And in the quiet of night, with the steady rise and fall of her breath against my chest, something changed in the very fibers of my soul. With each inhale, she wove herself deeper into me, and being apart from her now feels like I’m being torn apart at a cellular level.
“You need to handle things at home. Fast. Because you won’t last long like this,” he warns. “We haven’t been gone that long, and you already look like shit, Nick.”
I glance at the rearview mirror, catching my reflection for the first time since we climbed into the Escalade. My second is right. I’m not okay. Before Noa came back, I was a man who prided himself on control, but these days, there’s a wild, feral edge in my gaze. And right now, it’s all but swallowed up by my gray irises. My skin’s also gone ashen, a thin sheen of sweat clings to my brow. I look exactly how I feel.
A fucking mess.
Canaan doesn’t need to spell out what has to happen next. We both know. Step one is ending the farce of a betrothal with Talis—severing the tie to Cathal McNamara andthe political noose he’s wrapped around my neck. Only then can I take back control of my future and hand every bit of it to Noa. It was always hers anyway, whether I knew it or not.
“I know,” I manage to grit out.
Through the mirrors, I stare at the empty road behind us. The road that will lead me back to her if I’d just listen to this all-consuming need I have and turn the hell around.
But still, I push on.
The closer we get to my territory, the more unbearable it all becomes.
The numbers on the odometer blur as I glance down. Every mile logged makes it harder to force oxygen into my lungs. It’s like the air in the car is too thin. Ever since I kissed Noa’s forehead and forced myself to turn away, my wolf has been making his disapproval clear. Pacing, snapping his jaw, testing the limits of my control. But now, something has shifted. He’s no longer just pissed we’ve left her. He’s panicked. Desperate in that soul-deep, life-or-death kind of way that overrides all logic. The instinct to go back to her isn’t just a pull anymore. It’s a fucking command.
My breathing’s gone ragged. Each inhale sounds like a war being fought in my lungs.
I don’t need to uncurl my fingers from the steering wheel to know my claws have broken through and I don’t have to look to know my eyes have shifted. I can feel it. The heavy presence of my wolf in them, the way the world sharpens and narrows into a single point.
Her.
She’s not here, but still, she’s all I can see.
“Nick?” The voice cuts through, distant and hazy, like it’s coming from underwater.
Canaan.
But it hardly breaks the surface. My ears are full of the rushing sound of my own blood, of the frantic pulse that drowns out everything else. My vision blurs at the edges, all thought eclipsed by the ache to be near her. To put my hands on her skin. To make sure she’s still breathing, still safe. Still mine.
“Rennick!” The command snaps through the haze like a whip.
My hands jerk on the wheel. The SUV swerves hard to the right, tires screaming as I tear us off the road and slam the brakes. Gravel sprays and dust is kicked up around us in a cloud. The whole frame groans from the sudden stop, the front of theSUV coming to a halt just inches from the jagged granite wall that hugs the winding road.
“What the fu?—”
“I’m going back.” The words tear out of me, my voice shredded. “I can’t fucking do this. I thought I could. I was wrong.Somethingis wrong.”
Every single one of my instincts is on fire, demanding that I listen.
Canaan’s expression shifts, alarm sharpening into something serious. “What do you mean something’s wrong? Back in Ashvale? With the girls?”
The thought of Rhosyn in danger has his own protective instincts kicking in fast.
“I don’t…I don’t know, all right? I can’t explain it. But every part of me is screaming that I need to get to her. I need to find her.” I wrench one hand from the wheel and jab the unlock button on my door. The soft clunk of the locks disengaging fills the confined space. “If you want to go home, I get it. You can shift here and run the rest of the way, but I’m turning this car around and going back to her.”
Canaan stares, mouth slightly open, like he’s trying to reconcile the frenzied man in front of him with the steady one he’s known for years.
“You’re serious?” he asks finally, his eyes searching mine like he’ll find the punchline hidden there. “You’re going to turn around now? When we’ve basically made it to our front lawn.”
“Last chance,” I snap, foot twitching against the peddle. “If you’re not coming with me, get out now because once I turn around, the only way off this ride will be by jumping. And for your sake, I really hope you know how to tuck and fucking roll, Canaan.”
