“I wish—” She stops, her voice even but carrying the kind of sorrow that comes from grief that demands to be felt and remembered. “For myself, formy daughter, that I had this opportunity. That I had a reason to fight for a broken bond instead of having to mourn a dead one. A mate who stayed, who fucking tried, who refused to give up. Rennick’s trying for you, babe. He knows he failed you, and he’s out there trying to fix it right now. Do me a favor and don’t bury him before he’s finished fighting for you.”
My brows pull together. “When did you join the Rennick Fallamhain fan club?”
She backs toward the door, one hand already on the knob. “Probably when he rushed in here yesterday with both of you covered in mud and blood and looked at you like the world would end if you left him.” Her gaze flicks to the empty chair, then to me. “Don’t forget, I feel people’s emotions like they’re my own. And that man…he’d follow you into the afterlife if you left this one, Noa.”
It’s beenover an hour since breakfast, a meal that was nearly derailed thanks to Siggy’s ongoing love affair with sugar. Seren stepped in and performed culinarily triage, but not before a few slices of French toast were sacrificed to the maple syrup gods. Still, the three of us ended up in a neat line at Rennick’s kitchen island, pretending the giant purple elephant in the room hadn’t also pulled up a seat and lit a cigarette while he was at it.Like seasoned professionals in avoidance, we didn’t acknowledge the heaviness that sat between us. None of us dared mention whowas due to arrive in Fallamhain territory today, or what that arrival meant.
The McNamaras. Talis. Cathal.
It wasn’t until Siggy stood to clear her plate and then lingered there, shifting her weight from foot to foot, that reality began to creep back in at the edges. After some coaxing, she confessed she’d promised her mother she’d make an appearance at the party. The confession escaped in one hard exhale, like she’d been holding it in too long and finally had to let it go just so she could breathe properly again. Her skin had gone pale as she said it. I still don’t know what unsettled her more. Admitting it to me—as if attending would be a betrayal against me—or the idea of being surrounded by that many people for the first time since she was rescued and found her way to me.
Swallowing everything I was feeling, because ignoring myself in favor of someone else is basically my superpower, I pushed past the knot in my stomach and offered to walk her to the lodge. She smiled, all tremor and bravery, and told me she’d be fine. I hated how much selfish relief I felt at that. Before she left, I caught her and pulled her in for a hug, tighter than I meant to. My throat burned as I whispered the apology I still owed her, the one for snapping at her yesterday at the healer’s cabin when she’d only been trying to help. Siggy forgave me before I even finished the sentence.
But the house is now too quiet.
The kind of quiet that lets dark thoughts crawl out from corners and start pecking at you like carrion birds feasting on something already half dead and rotten.
Seren stepped out a few minutes after Siggy to bring Ivey to the crones from Amara’s coven. She didn’t have to say why. I know she’s only doing it so she can give me her full attention today and hover. I’d call it sweet if it didn’t also taste like pity on the way down.
You’re dying, Noa. Let people fuss over you. Especially today.The voice in my head needs to work on its bedside manner. I shake it off.
With the Fallamhain Pack tied up with the spectacle at the lodge and the Craddock she-wolves running patrols to cover for them, Seren shipped Elio and Hattie to the coven early this morning, too. Which leaves just me now,alone in Rennick’s too still, too large house, standing at the sink and pretending that washing dishes might be enough to quiet the noise in my head.
The late-morning light spills in from the windows and catches the soap bubbles, making them look like iridescent balls of glass as they float about. I focus on them instead of the twisting in my gut and try to fall into the steady, monotonous rhythm of scrubbing the sticky residue of maple syrup. Anything to avoid thinking about what’s happening at the lodge right now.
If I allow my mind to go there, I’ll envision the worst-case scenario. I’ll see her standing next to him. I’ll see his whole damn pack cheering like this is a union worth celebrating.
My wolf prowls, pacing her glass confinement.
Go see for yourself, she urges,end this charade.
If she had her way, I’d be marching into that party already, climbing Rennick like a tree and staking my claim for the whole pack to see. But my human half digs her heels in, familiar fear a weight in my gut. I’m not strong enough to be wrong about him in front of everyone. Not again.
Our mate chose us.He’s ours, she snaps, her voice all teeth and impatience.
I feel her roll her eyes somewhere deep in me as if she can’t believe she’s stuck sharing a soul with someone with this level of self-sabotage. She’s not wrong. I’m tired of it, too—tired of the endless back-and-forth, the way I keep trying to logic my way out of pain like it ever fucking works.
I slide two plates into the dishwasher and steady my breath before reaching for the next one.
The buzzing arrives out of nowhere, blooming behind my eyes like a burst of static on an old TV screen gone to snow. The sound floods my skull, a low, vibrating hum that drowns out everything else—the running water, the creak of the house, even my heartbeat.
My body goes rigid on instinct because I know this sound. This feeling.
My power.
Its arrival is different every time, unpredictable. Sometimes is a steady pulse, other times it comes in a flood I can’t contain. I never have control. I grip the counter to steady myself as it builds, louder and higher, until it drills between my ears, and I can’t stand it?—
Noa?
Siggy’s voice slices through the noise. It’s faint and echoing, like it’s traveling through rushing water.
I jerk so hard something pops between my shoulders.
Noa, I don’t know if you can hear me but—but I need you to come get me. I was wrong. I shouldn’t have come here. It’s too much…there’s too many people, I?—
The connection breaks before she can finish. The static cuts. The kitchen snaps back into place around me.
The plate slips from my hand and falls. I don’t stay long enough to watch it shatter into pieces when it hits the floor. I’m already moving.
