My breath catches.
“That man’s a rock,” he goes on, shaking his head like he still can’t believe it. “Steady.Always. But when he thought you were in trouble, he crumbled. I didn’t think he was capable of fear likethat. Over these past months, with everything that’s happened—with his father, with the omegas going missing—he never broke. Not once. But when you called out for him, he turned into someone I didn’t recognize.”
I frown, torn between wanting to plug my ears and needing every detail. My heart throbs at the thought of Rennick unraveling, terror cutting though him the way it sliced through me when the dark witches held us in their grip.I’d only seen a glimpse of his fear on the tail end of things when he finally reached me. It’d been enough. I can’t imagine what he’d been like when he had been racing to me, unsure if he’d get there in time.
“It’s because of that,” Canaan starts, his shifting weight making the wooden planks creak beneath his weight. “That I believe him when he says you’re his priority now. Even above his pack.”
The guilt that slams into me sharp and fast. It’s also wholly undeserved seeing as no part of this is my damn fault but trying to tell my nervous system that seems like a losing battle. “I haven’t asked that of him, and I never would.”
“I know you wouldn’t.” He nods somberly. “Just like I know he won’t ask you what I’ve come to ask. He knows it isn’t fair.”
Dread coils because I already know where this is going. I had no doubt this conversation would find me today, I just didn’t expect it to come from Canaan. And I was foolish enough to think I’d have more time—time to armor up, to piece together some kind of plan, to shore up my resolve. And at the very least, time to have my fucking morning coffee before I was cornered.
“Rennick won’t walk away from you now, Noa. Not after yesterday. If you stay, he’ll chain himself here with you. He’d send me back home to run things in his place, and I’d try, but I’m not their Alpha. I’m not enough for our pack.” His voice gentles even more. “That’s why I’m asking you, unfair as it is, toplease come to Idaho. Our people need him, but he…he needs you more.”
I stare at Canaan, my throat tight and my body locked. His words are heavy, pressing down on my bones until I can hardly breathe.
“I won’t let him do that,” I manage, but the conviction is threadbare. My wolf bristles immediately, balking at the very idea of Rennick leaving her behind. “I wouldn’t let him stay.”
“You won’t be able to stop him. He’ll chose you. Every time.”
The declaration cleaves me in two. One part of me aches to believe him, but the other remembers too well that this hasn’t always been true.
“How am I supposed to go back there, Canaan?” The words tremble more than I want them to, giving away the torment whirling within me.
He looks at me like he thinks I’m not really asking, that it’s just a rhetorical question.
“No, I mean it,” I push, leaning forward in the chair, my grip white-knuckled on the mug in my lap. “I went back once already with Siggy, but that was different. That was temporary. This would be permanent, or close enough. As long as that coven is out there, we’ll all be trapped under the same figurative roof. I’d be living side by side with the man who broke me. The man who’s, the last time I checked, still promised to someone else. What does that say about me if I choose that?” My throat burns, tears rising. “I’ve built my life around caring for other people, and maybe that’s my calling, but there has to be a line. At some point, I have to care about myself too. And walking into that, putting myself in that position, it hurts just to imagine. I’d be staring at everything I lost, every single day.”
The home I was forced from. The laughter of my packmates aging beside me. The man I was destined for and the title as hisLuna that was always meant to me mine. All of it was stolen from me.
“I know you have no reason to believe him,” Canaan says gently. “But trust me if you can—I know him. When he says he’s going to repair what he broke with you, he means it. As for Talis…he has a plan.”
A humorless laugh bursts out of me. “He hasa plan? Well, why didn’t you say so? I’ll start packing my bags.”
Canaan doesn’t flinch at the bite in my tone. He just lets me get it out, patience engraved into every line of his face.
“Rennick agreed to the alliance with Cathal because he thought he needed the man’s numbers to protect his omegas. But the idea was always to find another way. That’s why Rhosyn came here before the attack, to talk to Lowri and Amara about uniting. To create something stronger. What he’s proposing now…it’s not the same plan, but it’s close. And the end result is the same.”
I swallow hard, chest tightening at the reminder of why Rhosyn had even been here when the attack came. She’d come to lay groundwork for Rennick. It was a decision that had made sense at the time since everyone knew the High Priestess and pack Alpha would have been more receptive to her than him. But now I wish she were never here. That she hadn’t been forced to endure any of it.
“Lowri’s dead,” I whisper, though the reminder feels like a pointless and cruel thing to utter aloud.
“But her pack isn’t,” Canaan counters. “And a lot of them are waiting on you. They’ll follow you to Pack Fallamhain’s territory, and then they’ll help defend it and the omegas within it. You just have to be willing to go, Noa.”
Eight years. It’s been almost eight years since I fled that land. Since my mother pulled me from the only home I’d ever known. I’ll never forget the terror that had been on ThalassaAlderwood’s face that night. I thought it was my fault. That my latency had doomed us. But I now know that wasn’t the reason. Something else had driven her to flee. And now, despite that and everything else, I’m supposed to go back. Back with him, the man who won’t stop vowing to put me back together. The very one I’m weakening against.
Canaan stands, placing a hand on my shoulder. The weight is solid and to my own surprise, comforting. “Please think about it. We won’t be leaving until the new omegas arrive. You have time.”
Beyond forming words, all I can do is nod as more tears build. Turning away, he leaves me with brutal silence and the crushing weight of everything else pressing squarely on my shoulders.
The safety of my people, of Rennick’s pack, ofeveryone…it’s all seemingly on me and my decision.
Fuck.
Chapter 8
Rennick
