Bennet looked away, the muscle in his jaw clenching, and I scoffed, turning and nodding toward the exit. “Let’s go, boys.”
John and Callan couldn’t hide their relief as they fell into step and accompanied me out of the building. The security guard eyed us warily as he moved aside to let us pass.
We didn’t talk until we were outside and I saw Callan’sDefender parked behind my car. They must have flown down that motorway to keep up with me.
“I think I just shit myself.” John tried to ease the tension with a joke. “Seriously, Keen nearly killed us chasing you down that motorway. I … Man, I’ve never seen you lose it like that.”
I scrubbed my hand over my face. “I dinnae ken what came over me.”
“Maia did.” Callan shrugged. “Mate, I get it. I’d want to kill anyone who tried to hurt Beth. But My doesn’t need you doing something stupid. She just needs to know you’re there.”
“I’ve called her a stalker level number eh’ times since last night.” I leaned back against my car, squeezing the bridge of my nose. My accent thickened as it always did when I was tired or emotional. “I dinnae ken how tae get through tae her right noo.”
“Aye, you do.” Callan’s expression hardened.
I read that look in his eyes and nodded, determination thrumming through me. “I need tae get tae the club.”
“I’ve got your back.”
“Me too.” John patted my shoulder. “Civilian life isn’t so bad, you know.”
Aye, well, I was about to find that out for myself.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
MAIA
My phone was currently turned off and hidden in a shoebox in my dressing room. Honestly, I was just too in shock, too busy spiraling, to think about it. Which was why my parents had shown up at my door last night. All I could do was cry. I couldn’t speak. Until Dad asked where Baird was and I somehow managed to choke out that I’d broken it off with him. They had questions, but the pain in my chest was so bad I thought I was going to be sick.
They hadn’t wanted to leave me, but they had to get home for Lockie, and truthfully, I needed space. Dad was so furious at Mum that his anger hurt me as much as it soothed me.
When they left, I cried so hard I did throw up, and it was at that point I knew I needed to find a way to calm down. I tried some mindfulness techniques Beth had taught me, but every time my head grew quiet, a sentence from the article would pop up, breaking my heart all over again. Or I’d hear Baird’s gaffer loudly telling him he needed to dump me or he’d lose his place at the club.
Terror had filled me in that moment.
Of ruining Baird the way my mum seemed to ruin everyone in her orbit.
I wouldn’t be the reason he lost the thing that made him feel safe. The club was his home.
I didn’t feel worthy enough to sacrifice that for.
In fact, I felt … small and unclean, just like I used to when I was young and everyone whispered behind my back about how I was the kid of a junkie. About how my mum would have sex with anyone who could get her a hit. There were even rumors that she sold me out for sex, so boys at school used to proposition me, say disgusting things I didn’t even understand until I was older. I hadn’t yet told Baird that part.
Everything I’d worked so hard to forget, to leave behind, had been wiped away in the space of a few minutes.
But this time it wasn’t because I was the child of an addict. It was because I was the child of a woman who put me through that, made me feel guilty for not being able to deal with an addiction that was beyond her control, and then when she got clean … she still sold me out. She sold lies and sob stories about her own flesh and blood, and for what? A payday?
All these years I’d blamed heroin for taking my mum from me.
But she’d been clean for years and not only had she not sought me out, she had betrayed me. Sheusedme.
And Baird. Now he was tarnished by association.
That’s what Fred Burbank thought. Maybe even his teammates. The public definitely thought that.
That night, I barely slept, tossing and turning between crying jags. Wishing she still didn’t have the power to hurt me this much. Crying for Bear. Missing him. Missing his bigarms around me, making me feel safe and loved … and worthy.
It took everything I had to call in sick to work, grateful it was Eli I spoke to and not my boss. They tried to talk to me, reassure me, but I cut them off, hanging up rudely. Hopefully they understood.
