I’d never been insecure about sex.
The reality was I’d slept with four men in my twenty-seven years and all of them had been disappointing. The closest I’d come to orgasming with a partner was with Hugh. My first three boyfriends were all very similar. Nice, good guys. But they’d also been very considerate during sex. Very gentle. And it wasn’t until I confessed my frustration to London that she told me that because I was kind of an alpha in life, I probably needed someone more dominant than me in bed.
So I’d gone on a date with Hugh, despite my misgivings about him.
He wasn’t particularly kind or gentle. But he was confident, self-assured. And he took what he wanted in bed. While I’d definitely been more aroused by him … he was ultimately a selfish lover. He wanted blow jobs … but he didn’t like going down on a woman.
That was fine.
Just don’t expect blow jobs in return, right?
And now here I was finally about to have sex with amanand his mere warning that he took control in the bedroom had soaked my lace panties through.
Yet, for the first time, I wondered ifIwasn’t going to be whatheneeded.
I didn’t like that.
Suddenly, Ramsay took me by the chin and tilted my head back, his eyes searching mine. “Where did you go?”
Surprised by his perceptiveness, I moved to retreat and his grip on my chin tightened.
“Don’t lie. Not in this.”
Oh God. I didn’t want to ruin the moment between us by being honest.
“Silver … we don’t do this unless you’re absolutely certain you want to.”
I knew that without a doubt. That with Ramsay, even if he was “in control,” I’d always be the one really in control. If I said no or stop at any point, we’d stop.
I trusted him and at once realized I hadn’t trusted anyone like that since London and my parents. Not even Cammie or Quinn.
Why him? What was it about him that made me feel so goddamn safe?
“Silver.”
I could feel Ramsay withdrawing, and I wrapped my hand around his thick wrist to stop him. “I’ve never worried about not being good in bed before … because … well, quite frankly, I haven’t had the …” I sucked in a breath and bravely spat out, “I haven’t been with the right men before. I’ve maybe orgasmed once with a guy and the rest have been self-induced. Other than last night with you, I mean. Maybe it’s ameproblem.”
His expression tightened.
I smirked unhappily. “I’m standing here in my underwear realizing you’re probably very experienced and …”
“And what?” Ramsay took hold of my hand that was wrapped around his other arm and gently lowered it until I cupped his arousal straining against his zipper. “I want you. You want me. Experience has nothing to do with it. Get out of your head and get in there.” He jerked his chin toward his bedroom. “Wait for me at the foot of the bed.”
The instinct to balk at his command was strong, even as arousal blossomed within me with immediate intensity. It was a confusing dichotomy and his lip curled as if he read that flash of defiance in my eyes and liked it.
“Go.”
I pulled my hand free and reminded him through clenched teeth, “You get to boss me around, but only with sex.”
His answering cocky grin almost melted me. “Aye, I can’t imagine otherwise. Now go.”
Despite his gruff delivery, his words had soothed my insecurities, and I found my hips swaying in invitation as I strode across his home and into his bedroom. I’d snooped in here the last time, thinking it very utilitarian. Bed, bedside tables, integral closets, and an en suite.
His bed, unsurprisingly, was made of solid oak. There were no throws or throw pillows.
Nothing feminine.
Except me in my peachy-pink lacy number as I turned to face the door and wait for him. I heard him mutter to Akiva and realized he was making sure she had everything she needed before he stepped into the bedroom and shut the door behind him. He’d kicked off his boots already.
