Guilt tightened in an ugly knot in my gut.
I felt like I’d been planning to cheat on her.
What the hell?
Lily gave me a small smile. “Hey. I thought I’d come meet you. See how the exam went.”
I swallowed around the sudden thickness in my throat and forced a smile. “It went great. Your flash cards worked a treat.”
“I’m glad.”
I started walking and she fell into step beside me.
An awkward silence settled between us as we strolled out of the building. I sought to fill it. “I thought we’d do lunch at Bubba Qs. You like their burgers, right?”
“I do.”
Glancing down at her, I found her nibbling her bottom lip in thought.
My gut clenched.
Suddenly, Lily looked up, her hazel eyes searching my face. Whatever she found there made her smile soften into something more genuine. She bumped me with her shoulder. “You know we talk about everything except your dating life.” Her tone sounded breezy, natural.
Maybe she wasn’t bothered by my interaction with Julianne. Maybe she was merely surprised by it.
I didn’t know how I felt about that.
“There hasn’t been one in a while.” I shrugged. “I haven’t even been to my studio in weeks. I’m regurgitating the same videos on social media.”
Lily nodded. “Aye, it’s been crazy busy lately.”
More awkward silence I did not like in the least. Lily and I never had awkward silence between us.
“So, the girl?” she asked.
“Julianne.” Did my voice sound strained? “She was nice. She gave me her number.” I flashed my hand at her.
“Old school. Nice.” Her gaze darted away from my hand as if she didn’t want to look at it for too long.
“It doesn’t mean anything,” I found myself assuring her. “If I met up with her, it would be casual.”
“Why doesn’t it ever mean anything?” There was something brittle about Lily’s tone. “It seems strange to me that you grow up in a house with two loving parents—at least during your formative years—but you end up being commitment phobic?”
“It’s just the way I am.”
“Sebastian.”
I exhaled heavily. “Lil, I don’t know why I am the way I am. I know I don’t want that kind of responsibility. And seeing what my parents are going through has only reinforced my belief that relying on one person to make you happy is asking to be destroyed.”
Lily stopped in the middle of the street to gape at me. “You can’t believe that. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean relying on that person to make you happy. Thatisasking for disappointment. You have to make yourself happy. Aye, you can find a portion of that happiness in the person you love, but being in a relationship is having someone at your side to support you whileyoufind the things that will make you happy on this strange, bloody planet?—”
“Lily!” I cut her off, raising my voice. Because what she was saying … it made me want to yank her into my arms and kiss her until neither one of us knew where the other ended.
And I couldn’t.
Not with her.
If it was anyone, it would be her.
