“Harry—”
He cut me off, producing his phone with a flourish. Seconds later, Lily’s voice filled my bedroom, and I squeezed my eyes closed.
I missed her so much.
“If he doesn’t want to risk your friendship, he doesn’t feel the way you feel about him and you’re only going to end up getting hurt,” Lily was saying. My eyes flew open as the words hit very, very close to home. “If you stay in the friendship, you’re going to pine for more, lose out on opportunities with other guys, and get hurt watching him move on easily with other girls. Get out now while you can.”
“That advice tasted strangely bitter.” That was from Maddie.
I frowned. “What are they talking about?”
“Some bird called in asking for advice about liking a guy in her friend group.”
Scowling, I listened to a Lily who sounded bitter and angry and not at all like herself. When she told Jan to go screw herselfand a few long seconds later Maddie explained Lily had walked out, I stared stonily at the carpet.
Jan’s voice filled my room, explaining to their audience they’d decided not to edit the moment out of their episode because it was real. Then she said, “And to the person who screwed with my sister’s head, I’ll make sure Karma gets you, arsehole.”
“That would be you,” Harry needlessly pointed out as he switched off the episode.
“I gathered that, thanks.” I scrubbed a hand over my face, feeling that terrible pit in my gut swell into something unbearable.
“Look, she’s in just as bad a shape as you. I don’t know what you’re thinking or what the details are … but you’ve got to fix this. For both your sakes.”
“I wouldn’t even know what to say.”
“Just show up and let nature take its course.” Harry stood and gave me a pitying look. “Bloody hell, Bas. If this is love, I hope it never happens to me.” He clapped a hand on my shoulder, giving me a comforting pat before he strode from the room. “Be ready to go in two hours!”
LILY
Jan stood in our living room, arms crossed over her chest as I stared up at her from the couch. Maddie had let her in. She and Sierra shared the armchair, watching me and my sister like we were a tennis match.
The truth is I wanted to apologize to Jan, but I also didn’t think I was entirely wrong earlier.
“We didn’t edit the episode,” Jan announced. “We aired it with you telling me to go screw myself and storming out.”
We rarely edited the real stuff, so I shouldn’t have been surprised. Still, it wouldn’t take our audience much to deduce I was heartbroken. For some reason, this time having my private life in the public arena made me feel naked and vulnerable, and I resented all of them for not editing the episode.
“Are you going to speak at some point?” my sister prodded with a huff of annoyance.
I shrugged. “I shouldn’t have told you to go screw yourself, but you’re treating me like I’m being a drama queen who needs to get over this. Proof, January Sawyer, that you’ve never felt about someone the way I, unfortunately, feel about Sebastian.”
“Bastian is a bastard.”
“I’m sure he’s never heard that before,” I mumbled.
“Oh, I’m sorry, are my insults not witty enough for you?”
I narrowed my eyes. “I have never felt our three-year age gap more than I do right now.”
Jan’s expression veered between indignant and considering. Finally, her shoulders slumped. “Fine. I’m being immature. I … I’m not used to seeing you like this. Anytime a guy hurt you in the past you bounced back with this inspiring determination to move on. You’re acting … lovesick. And it’s not very inspiring. It’s pathetic.”
Hurt, I sneered. “Pathetic? Do you even hear yourself sometimes? I’m not allowed to be infallible? To be human? I have to be the poster child of feminism even while I feel like I’ve lost a limb? Inspiring in my heartbreak to make me worthy of your affection and respect?”
My wee sister’s expression tightened. “I didn’t … I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Didn’t you?”
Uncharacteristic tears brightened Jan’s eyes. “I’m sorry. You’re right. And I’m sorry. I … maybe there’s a part of me that resents Sebastian.”
