Amanda’s face flashed in my mind and renewed tears burned my eyes.
But clearly being with him was also raising old ghosts.
The dream played over and over in my mind as I quietly dressed and slipped out of his bedroom and apartment. My legs shook as they took me downstairs to my own place. The replay in my head spiraled, memories pushing in, battering me with images and feelings I’d rather forget. All through my shower, I couldn’t switch off the thoughts and I couldn’t make my bloody heart stop racing. After peeing, I realized my period had arrived. Hormones sometimes triggered anxiety for me, so that made sense.
Knowing I was heading straight for a spiral if I didn’t get it under control, I took my anti-anxiety pills and headed into the kitchen to brew a chamomile tea. Sometimes it helped relax me and slow my heart.
Flicking to the mindfulness app on my phone, I sat cross-legged in the living room and sipped my tea before I began listening to it.
After a while, the inner trembling I experienced during anxiety had dissipated. I was much calmer as I fought off the intrusive thoughts.
Even though it left me exhausted, my brain was still wide awake, and I knew if I couldn’t sleep, it would be so easy for my mind to go where I didn’t want it to. So I switched on my laptop.
On Monday, Tellie Sutton emailed to inform me Sheera would not be pursuing a relationship with Social Queens. Though unsurprised, I was, of course, disappointed. But also determined to not let my efforts go to waste. Attending the Aura Beauty launch party wouldn’t be for nothing. I’d gotten up the nerve to contact Iain Erstwhile and ask if he was willing to take a meeting with me about social media management for Pennington’s. He seemed to like how ballsy I was, but explained he already had a top company in London handling their social media. Having looked through their socials, however, I reckoned they were missing a trick for their Edinburgh location. Scotland was massive on socials. It was hashtagged nearly thirty million times on Instagram. Our country had a presence on socials, and Pennington’s Edinburgh needed to capitalize on that.
I said as much to Mr. Erstwhile and suggested he might want to think about working with local media management companies for focused marketing on particular stores.
He’d agreed to meet me so I could pitch Social Queens to him.
Working on my pitch was the best distraction. I’d barely started it when my phone binged.
It was Callan.
You okay?
I’d never snuck out of his apartment after sex before.
I was still a bit shaky as my thumbs hovered over the screen.
The truth was, Callan had been my best distraction lately, but I didn’t want him to see that side of me. He was attracted to confident, cocky Beth. He didn’t need to know there was a whole other side that wasn’t quite so fun.
Got my period.
It wasn’t a lie.
Have cramps. Needed my own bed.
I could see he was typing. And then:
No worries. Feel better.
Thanks.
I turned my phone on silent and switched back into work mode, where I needed my mind to be right now.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
BETH
Between video meetings with my team, emails and phone calls to clients, and my period, I was drained by midday. Deciding to have a quick power nap, I ended up sleeping for a few hours before groggily getting out of bed to make a quick snack. My parents called from Bangkok and caught me up on their adventures. They looked great. Relaxed, happy.
“Elle is still annoyed you wouldn’t let her stay home alone,” I told them. I’d offered to stay with Elle while my parents were gone on their trip, but Elodie and Clark were more than happy to have Elle stay with them for a few weeks.
“That’s because she thinks she’s forty,” Mum grumbled.
“We saw the tabloids,” Dad interrupted, expression serious.
Ah, hell.
