Fuck. Was my weirdness so obvious at the table? “I’m fine.”
“It’s a lot.” Joss gestured toward the door. “Our family. I know because it was a lot for me at first, and that was before we grew to this size.”
“It’s nice. I’m glad Beth has this.”
“You could have it, too, if you wanted.” Joss cocked her head, contemplating me. “Or is that the problem?”
I didn’t want to be rude to Beth’s mum, but I couldn’t do this with her. “I should get back.”
“You know, I know about your parents.”
“Aye, most people do.” I turned to walk away.
“Everyone’s situations are different. We grieve differently.” Her words stopped me, and I turned back to her as she continued, “But I’m sure Beth has told you about my family. How I lost them when I was fourteen.”
I nodded, feeling my chest tighten.
“I was at school and my parents had vacation time. They were taking my little sister, Beth, for a drive. A motorcyclist came off his bike and my dad swerved to miss him. But he swerved into a truck that was going too fast. They all died at the scene.”
Horror and sympathy filled me. “I’m sorry.”
“I know.” She nodded. “I know you are. Because you know exactly what that feels like. You know, I thought the only way I could deal with the immensity of that loss was by not dealing with it. And so when people came along who wanted to love me and be a part of my life, I pushed them away.”
I flinched at her pointed tone.
“I put Beth’s dad through a lot when we first met. I let my fear of caring that much about someone againkeeppushing him away. And the mistake I made was convincing myself that I could push him away without hurting him because he couldn’t possibly need me the way I needed him. But he did need me. And Ireallyhurt him.”
Beth’s mum shrugged uncomfortably, and I knew from what Beth had told me this was out of character for Joss Carmichael. To be this vulnerable with anyone, let alone someone she didn’t know that well. “We’ve been married for over two decades, and Istill feel like shit for what I put him through. I’m really lucky that he loved me enough to fight for me. And Beth …” Joss reached out to squeeze my biceps. “She gets that from her dad. That fight. She will fight for you until it breaks her. And you’ll hate yourself for hurting the one person you love the most. Because you love the hell out of her. I’ve been watching you with her since you got here, and you love my girl.”
It felt like a weight crushing down on my chest. “But are you telling me to walk away?”
“No.” She leaned into me, eyes flashing. “I’m telling you that I get what it’s like to want to protect yourself from that kind of loss again. Instead of pushing and pulling with Beth?—”
Had Beth told her that’s what I was doing? Fuck, was that what I was doing?
“—make the decision now not to let the fear control your life. Because we don’t know what’s going to happen from one day to the next. But I can tell you this—I wouldn’t give up this beautiful life I’ve made with my husband. Even if I lost him tomorrow. It would destroy me to lose him, but fuck, I’d be grateful for the days I got with him and the family we created.”
I nodded slowly, understanding. “I get it. She’s worth it too. I know she’s worth it. I … I don’t want to hurt her.”
Joss exhaled and straightened. “I know you don’t know me well and I’m hoping that’ll change with time … but until then, I’m here. You know, if you have a bad day and the fear is getting the best of you, you can pick up the phone and call me. Because I get it.”
And it hit me at that moment.
This was family.
It’s what family did for each other.
And Beth’s family was offering that to me. Merely because she loved me.
“Thank you.” My gratitude was sincere.
“Hey!” Beth suddenly threw open the study door. Her eyes were searching. “Everything okay in here?”
I smiled at Joss and crossed the room to slide an arm around Beth’s waist. I kissed her temple. “Everything’s great, princess.”
She relaxed against me, expression questioning but also hopeful. “Yeah?”
“Absolutely.”
