“And Fyfe?”
“I don’t even know where to start with Fyfe Moray. I mean, I’m right to be pissed off. Right?”
“Men are emotionally constipated sometimes.” Mum grimaced. “Your dad made me so mad when we first started seeing each other. And he hurt me. Deeply.”
I gaped at her in disbelief. “Dad hurt you?”
She nodded, looking down at her lap. “He loved me so much, but because of our age difference, he thought I couldn’t possibly love him back the same way. That I’d grow bored with this ‘simple’ life in the Highlands and leave for an adventure elsewhere.”
“Well, that’s the most patronizing thing I’ve ever heard,” I snapped, indignant on her behalf.
Mum chuckled. “I thought so too at the time. But when I realized how much he loved me, I knew it was just his insecurities talking. It was shocking to me that someone as intelligent and charismatic as your father couldn’t see his own worth.”
Oh my God.
“Are you telling me, I’ve fallen for a man like my dad?”
At my horrified tone, Mum’s whole body shook with laughter.
I playfully smacked her shoulder. “Stop it.”
When her laughter died off, she tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and offered quietly, “Think about it, Eilidh. Your birth mum cheated and it completely blindsided him. When someone betrays you in that way, we can’t help but wonder why. Is the problem within ourselves? Are we good enough? Are we not lovable enough?”
My heart hurt at the thought of Dad ever believing that of himself, and even worse that my birth mother might have made him feel that way. Had I ever made Fyfe feel that way? No. No, I knew I hadn’t. I’d always treated Fyfe like he was someone special to me.
“Fyfe’s situation isn’t a cheating wife. It was a mother who abandoned him, so I reckon that cut is even deeper.”
“You don’t think he just wants me because he’s afraid to be alone with Millie?”
“No.” Mum shook her head. “I think he’s just no longer emotionally constipated. I think Millie showed him he’s capable of being responsible for another human, capable of committing to someone. And maybe even worthy of love.”
“That’s what he said.” I rested my head on her shoulder, aching so badly. “The thing is, his rejection was a brutal hit because I’m still trying to love myself, to be kinder to myself. Perhaps it was foolish to even try to love someone else while I’m still on that journey.”
“Oh, darling, there is no trying or stopping when it comes to love. You just either do or you don’t. It’s not in our control, and it usually happens at the most inconvenient time.”
“What do you think I should do?”
“I think … you need to put you first. And if you need some time to untangle all your feelings, then you take that time. If Fyfe really does love you, he’ll wait for you.”
The bedroom door opened and Dad halted at the sight of me cuddled up next to Mum. His expression softened. “Everything okay in here?”
“Just girl talk.” Mum kissed my forehead before I straightened.
“I can do girl talk.” Dad climbed into the bed on my other side, making me laugh. He drew me into his side and I cuddled against him, feeling like a wee girl.
It was kind of nice after the day I’d had.
“I’m in love with Fyfe,” I blurted out.
Dad gave me a squeeze. “I know, Eilidh-Bug.”
“But now he might love me back and I’m scared shitless.”
He was silent for a few seconds and then he said, “Ach, then let him work for it. Can’t make it too easy for him now, can you?”
Glancing up to find his cheeky grin, I chuckled. “I guess not.”
“Oh, and tell him about Cameron,” Mum added, tone concerned.
