My hands clenched into fists at my sides. “I can’t love anyone.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
“What?” We locked eyes.
Lewis appeared half pissed off, half sympathetic. “Can’t or won’t love her?”
“Lewis …”
“I was there.” A muscle flexed in his jaw, blue eyes flashing angrily. “I saw you look after yourself because your mum was never there and when she was home, she was usually drunk, and even though you denied it, she was hitting you, wasn’t she?”
A different shame crawled over and I nodded reluctantly.
Lewis let out a shuddering breath. “Then she just abandoned you.”
“Lew—”
“You’ve moved from woman to woman, never letting them close. Never trusting them enough to. But you let Eilidh in. Didn’t you?”
I dragged a hand through my hair, shifting restlessly because I was desperately trying not to fucking cry in front of my best mate. It took me a second to get around the lump in my throat. “Ican’tlove her. Eilidh … is meant for more than me. For more than this place.”
“Then why did she come home?”
“Because she’s feeling a bit lost and this is a safe place while she figures things out. She’s just … lost and clinging to here. To me. She’ll realize soon enough she doesn’t love me.”
Lewis’s expression hardened. “You patronizing fucker.”
I flinched, my chin jerking back.
“Eilidh is a grown woman who has worked extremely hard to be honest with herself about what she wants and where she wants to be. She’s chosen to come home. And she chose you as the man she loves. Now you can decide you don’t want to be with her, but you do not fucking get to tell her she doesn’t love you or love being home in Ardnoch. I had someone I loved make a choice for me, and I lost her for seven years. Don’t you dare think you know better than Eilidh.” He took a step toward me. “If you want some harsh home truths, Fyfe … you’re so intelligent, you think you know best in every situation. But when it comes to emotions … you’re an immature prick.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Immature prick? I’ve been independent since I was seven years old.”
“Aye, and you’ve been compartmentalizing your emotions ever since as an act of self-protection.”
“What, are you a therapist now?”
“I’m your best friend. And I’m telling you that Eilidh is much more emotionally mature than you, pal.”
Dropping my defensiveness, I recognized there was a lot of truth in what he said. “Which is why she deserves better.”
Lewis laughed.
I scowled. “What?”
“Fuck, Fyfe … every man in my life has better than he deserves in the woman who shares his bed.”
“Not you. You’re good to Callie.”
“Now. But for seven years, I let her go when I should have fought for her. We all regret something.”
“I …” I turned to look out at the water, the truth bubbling inside me. “It’s just bloody typical that the person I want most is the one most likely to leave. I couldn’t have latched on to some ordinary woman who likes quiet, small-town life?” I winced. “Fuck, that makes me sound like an arsehole.”
Lewis patted me on the shoulder. “Look, it’s hard for me to see Eils as anything but my wee sister, but I recognize she’s a talented celebrity and she’s cute.”
“Cute.” I grimaced. “Eils isn’tcute. She’s … she walks into a room and she knocks the fucking breath from your body, she’s that beautiful.”
Lewis smirked. “Is that so?”
