I yanked my hand out of her shorts. “What are we doing?” I gently set Eilidh away from me and stood up. “Shit, sweetheart, I’m sorry. I’ve had too much to drink.”
Pain tautened Eilidh’s features as she hopped off the couch and straightened her top.
I felt another pierce of panic. “We can’t just sleep together because we’re attracted to each other. It would mess things up. And Lewis would kill me.”
“Is that all it is?” Her expression was sad, resigned. “Just physical attraction?”
Pretending not to understand, I gave her a small, reassuring smile. “You can’t help the fact that you’re gorgeous. But I can help where my hands wander.”
“Right.” She laughed hollowly. “Fyfe Moray, Sutherland’s biggest player. I keep forgetting about that.”
Guilt turned my cheeks hot. “I would never play you.”
Eilidh ran a hand over her hair, not meeting my eyes. “Clearly.”
“We’re drunk.”
“Right.”
“Eilidh.”
“Maybe you should return to your hotel.”
I nodded, running a hand over my face, my beard scratching against my palm. “And us? Are we okay?”
“Sure.”
My head jerked back at the lie. I knew her well enough to recognize her “whatever” tone. “Eilidh. Please. Let’s just put this aside and go back to being friends.”
“I said sure.”
“For a great actress, you’re a terrible liar.” I took a step toward her, but she retreated. It was like a gut punch. “Eils. I don’t want to go through another nine months without you …” I gestured helplessly to the couch where the hottest kiss of my life had just taken place.
“I said we’re fine. I’m just out of sorts. We’ll talk later.”
“You matter to me. Our friendship matters to me.”
“Same.” But her tone was coolly detached in a way that filled me with dread. I watched as she strode toward her front door. “Do you want me to call you a cab?”
“No … I’ll be fine.” Reluctantly, I crossed the room. “We’ll talk when we’re both a bit more sober. All will be good between us again, sweetheart.”
Eilidh flinched ever so slightly.
I couldn’t help myself. I reached out and stroked my thumb over her cheekbone. “Talk soon.” With another sigh, I walked out of the flat and winced at the sound of the door crashing shut behind me.
My head throbbed with every step I took away from her. So did a spot in my chest near my heart. I had to believe I could fix things with Eilidh. That this would never get back to Lewis. It was just a stupid kiss and some foreplay. A hot, never wanted to fuck anyone more kiss and foreplay … but justthat. Everything would return to normal between me and Eilidh.
It had to.
But it hadn’t.
All the talking and confiding we’d done … I thought Eilidh would understand me better than this. She had to know that I wouldn’t jeopardize our friendship for anything. Least of all a drunken night of sex. And I wouldn’t betray Lewis like that either.
Therefore, I didn’t get it.
I didn’t get why my reaction was so unforgivable.
Eilidh had brought Morwenna home a month ago. My texts had gone unanswered. My calls too. She’d done a valiant job of avoiding me but couldn’t whenever I was invited to Sunday family dinner. Lewis and Callie were busy being new parents and organizing their wedding, which was to take place in two months’ time. But Lewis wasn’t too busy to notice that Eilidh was even more distant than usual.
