But there was relief too.
And that made me feel as bad as the pain.
I tossed my glasses onto the bed and buried my head in my hands, shoulders shaking as I cried quietly in the silence of her empty bedroom.
Tears were the last thing I ever let that woman take from me.
The knock at the door had me wiping my face and eyes and reaching for my glasses. It was possible it was Deirdra andthat she’d heard Mum make the commotion when she tore up the place. Hurrying through the mess to the front door that led straight into the living room, I yanked it open.
And then froze.
Lewis’s wee sister, Eilidh, stood on the other side.
She was two years younger than us at fourteen, but with her height and confidence, she could pass for our age.
“What are you doing here?”
Eilidh shrugged with dramatic exaggeration. Since she’d started taking acting classes down in Glasgow during the summer (she’d even been on a Scottish TV show), Eilidh’s natural drama had gone up a level or two. “I haven’t been able to find my copy ofIt Happened One Summersince we went camping before school started.” She pushed past me before I could stop her. “And I wondered if—” She stopped talking abruptly as she gaped at the mess.
My pulse jumped. The last person I wanted to find out about this was Eilidh. Despite her having flirted with me since she was eleven years old, I’d found Lewis’s sister cute rather than annoying. Even when I agreed to let her sleep in my tent on the aforementioned camping trip and she’d prattled on and on about silly stuff until I eventually fell asleep.
But Eilidh was all about the drama, and I did not need that kind of reaction to this situation.
She whirled on me, her long dark curls whipping with the movement. Her blue eyes were striking against her olive skin and right now they were huge. “Fyfe, did you get robbed? Should we call the police?” She waved her hands frantically at the mess.
Fuck.
I slammed the front door shut. I honestly didn’t know whether to be more annoyed with her terrible excuse to come round to my house and flirt with me, or the fact that I now hadto explain the truth to someone when I’d had no intention of sharing the news about my mother’s abandonment with anyone.
“I didn’t get robbed and you’re not telling anyone about this.”
Eilidh gaped. “What am I not telling them?”
Narrowing my eyes, I wagged a finger at her. “If I tell you, I mean it, Eilidh—it stays between us. I’ll never forgive you if you tell.”
To my surprise, her expression softened with sympathy. Her tone was sincere as she replied, “I promise, Fyfe. I won’t tell anyone. What’s going on?”
At first, I was so surprised by her maturity and measured reaction that it took me a second to respond. Then I couldn’t meet her eyes. “Mum left. Permanently. But first she tossed the place, looking for my money.”
Suddenly, Eilidh’s arms were around me, her cheek pressed to my chest as she squeezed me tight. I stiffened in her embrace, my anger rushing forth. Fury at my mum, and at Eilidh for being here when I wanted to be alone. My first thought was that she was using this moment to get close to me, which pissed me off.
Then she whispered, “I won’t tell. I promise.”
My tears from earlier burned in my eyes and I buried my head in Eilidh’s hair, wrapping my arms around her so tight. She smelled fruity and fresh. Clean. Warm. Like the home she was brought up in. I shook. Mum had barely been around for most of my life, so I didn’t know why being left alone was hitting me so hard.
But I felt like there was this crack in my chest and if I didn’t stop it, it would only grow until I fell completely apart.
Eilidh held on tighter, as if her arms could stop the trembling.
“I hate her,” I confessed harshly.
She didn’t offer platitudes. “I hate her too.”
Somehow that made me feel better.
I didn’t know how long we stood there, but I finally remembered I was holding my best friend’s wee sister like she was a life jacket. In a way, she was. All the Adairs were. Lewis and I had different friends at primary school and it wasn’t until we were thrown together in a class at high school that we realized we had so much in common.
From that moment on, he’d adopted me into his family. I’d had many a dinner at his house and hung out there all the time. Eilidh was part of that. Her silly crush on me annoyed Lewis, but as much as she was still only my best friend’s wee sister, Eilidh made me feel seen.
