Then why didn’t Mum want me?I thought for the millionth time as I stared at my unremarkable face.
Why wasn’t I enough?
“Fuck,” I muttered, squeezing my eyes closed.
I needed to get my shit together.
It was stupid to let those thoughts in.
Better to do what I did daily and act like most people’s opinions didn’t matter. It seemed to work for me. Girls seemed to like my “couldn’t give a shit” attitude. I’d lost my virginity a year ago and my best pal, Lewis, who was definitely better looking than me, was still a virgin. He’d made the mistake of falling in love at sixteen. Callie, his girlfriend, was a nice lassie, but love held you back. Love had you building sex into something it wasn’t so you were still a virgin when you were dating the hottest girl in Sutherland. Not giving a shit had you losing your virginity on your fifteenth birthday to an eighteen-year-old stunner from Inverness.
What can I say? She liked my confidence.
And I’m a fast learner.
Since then, there had been three more girls. Until Carianne. I didn’t love Carianne. She didn’t love me. But she was pretty and she liked sex, so it was convenient for us both. But honestly, shewas kind of irritating me lately. She wasn’t academic, which was fine, but she was constantly on my back when I wanted to study. Calling me a geek had turned from an endearment into an insult. And I’d been insulted enough over the years to last a lifetime.
Time to end things with Carianne.
It had been a crap day.
Carianne did not want to be dumped. She made a scene and I hated scenes because, again, it’s all I’d had my whole life with Mum, so I told her she could tell everyone she dumped me. That sorted her out.
But I’d gotten a B in my history class, again, and it was pissing me off. My history teacher, Mr. Martin, had taken a dislike to me and was always lowballing me with grades. This time I’d had enough and had a word with my favorite history teacher, Ms. Heron, and asked her to look at all my papers for the year. She’d been shocked by the request and I knew it probably put her in an uncomfortable position, but ballsy Ms. Heron said she’d look over them and get back to me. She knew how important it was for my grades to be top-notch. I needed to get into university.
Lewis was going to come over to study, but I was in a crap mood, so I told him to hang out with Callie instead. He tried his best not to be a bad friend by not forgetting about me, but I knew he enjoyed any chance he could to hang out with his girlfriend. I let him off the hook and trudged home, hoping Mum would be gone when I got there.
When I stepped in the door, I stumbled to a stop.
The living room had been ransacked. Cushions torn off our old sofa, the drawers in the sideboard pulled out, contents everywhere.
“Mum?” I called out, dropping my heavy backpack.
Nothing.
A feeling came over me.
A knowing.
“Fuck!” I bit out, rushing toward my bedroom.
Sure enough, it was completely upended.
And the drawer where I kept a stash of my money in a sock was on the bed, the socks all unraveled.
The money was gone.
Heart racing, I pulled up the rug by my bed and pressed down on the floorboard. It popped up and I sagged in relief when I found the majority of my earnings still secure. I’d planted the sock money as a red herring because I knew one day she’d look for it.
Getting up, I stalked into her bedroom and halted again.
Her closet was open and every item in it was gone. As was the suitcase she’d kept in there. She’d never taken all her things before.
And I knew. Deep in my bones.
This time, she was gone for good.
I stumbled back and lowered myself to her unmade bed. My chest ached. A dull, throbbing pain near my sternum.
