I hadn’t really realized we’d be taking itthisslow with the physical stuff, considering I was already pregnant. Yet knowing how much emotion was attached to sex for Lewis, I understood. I still got pangs of guilt about sneaking out of his flat in London after learning just how much sex meant to him. The reminder that maybe I hadn’t known him as well as I’d thought (that I had underestimated how much he loved me) made me want to make it up to him. I didn’t know how to do that while we were taking it slow.
I was also very much aware I had been the one to suggest taking things slowly.
It seemed silly now in light of how easily we’d fallen back into our relationship. Much easier than I’d anticipated, considering all that had kept us apart.
Those were my musings as I wandered into the Gloaming Thursday afternoon. Lewis’s uncle Arran wasn’t bartending today. In fact, I didn’t recognize the young woman behind the bar, so I assumed she was summer staff. The pub’s main room was packed and a peek into the dining room told me it was busy too. The tourists had well and truly descended upon Ardnoch. Wondering how I’d ever hear Carianne over the din, I scoured the room for her and found her at a table near the very back of the old pub. She waved, and I wound around the tables toward her.
We hadn’t spoken face-to-face since the mix-up. Lewis had explained fully Carianne’s scheme and how she’d jumped the gun. We’d shared a few texts back and forth, and she’d texted to congratulate me when the news broke about the pregnancy. However, she’d done an excellent job of avoiding me so far. A part of me didn’t mind her avoidance. The fact that she’d admitted to crushing on Lewis all this time and then asking him out made me wary ofher. It was awkward knowing your friend coveted your partner.
It didn’t help that Eilidh had flat-out decided Carianne couldn’t be trusted. I wasn’t sure about that. I still remembered the person who had been kind to me for most of our friendship, so when she asked if we could meet, I’d said yes.
“Hey.” She gave me a tight smile as I slid into the chair opposite her. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m actually feeling really good.”
“Nervous? I can’t imagine having a baby at our age.” Her tone suggested a hint of judgment.
“Twenty-five isn’t that young.”
“It’s kind of young, but you always were so mature for your age. Lewis too.”
I nodded. “How are you?”
“Busy. I’ve been so busy at the salon.”
“Good.”
An awkward pause hung in the air between us.
Carianne gave me a nervous smile. “Look, I feel like I’ve been avoiding you and I don’t want to avoid you … I just feel so bloody awkward that I asked Lewis out.”
At her wince, I smiled kindly. “Carianne, it’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. What was I thinking? I mean, like, I genuinely thought things were over between you and didn’t even realize how badly you’d take it until Ipretendedto be going on a date with him. And now that you’re pregnant and together again … it’s like … how weird have I made it?” She threw up her hands in despair.
I laughed, instantly relaxing at her honesty. “Carianne, we can get past it.”
She made a face. “Do you think?”
“Aye. I can. If you can.”
“I don’t want you to be constantly worried that I have a thing for your bloke, though.”
Now I grimaced. “I mean …”
“Oh, God, see!”
“But with time, I’ll forget,” I offered, hoping it was true.
“Really?” Carianne leaned forward, expression pleading. “Because I miss you and I don’t want to not be there when you have the baby. I want to be Aunt Carianne, you know.”
A pang lit my chest because I wanted that too. “Then it’s done. We’re on the road to forgetting all about it.”
“Good.” Carianne scooted even farther forward. “Because I’ve started seeing this guy from Inverness and I’m desperate to talk to someone who isn’t going to tell everyone and their nan about it.”
And just like that, me and Carianne were me and Carianne again.
“When does Lewis move into his new place?” Mum asked as we finished up dinner that evening. To be honest, I’d spent hardly any time at the cottage other than to sleep in it, and I think that suited my parents and Lewis just fine, considering I spent most of my time with them.
