“She made them when you left and placed the box outside for me to collect before coming to get you.”
My brows furrowed as I stared at the picnic. When we were kids, the crisps, the truffles, and the M&Ms were all my favorite unhealthy snacks. As was the Irn-Bru, something I hadn’t drunk in years. “What is all this?”
“It’s your perfect first date.” Lewis drew his knees up to his chest, too, his arms dangling over them. Then he gestured to the beach. “A picnic on the beach at twilight with all of your favorite snacks.”
A memory prodded at me. “Why does that … I said that?”
He nodded, meeting my probing stare. “You texted me a list of your perfect dates and this was date one.”
Awed, shocked, emotional, I choked out, “And you remember that?”
Lewis stared at me as if I was the most extraordinary thing he’d ever seen. “I kept all of our texts. I’d read them over and over until I realized I was driving myself crazy. So I saved them to my computer before I deleted them from my phone. When I came back to Ardnoch, I remembered I had them and started reading through our old conversations. There was one where you told me the kind of dates you wanted to be taken on.” His teeth flashed in the dusk. “I had planned to take you on all of them, but date two is zip-lining, so that’ll have to wait until after the baby comes.”
I suddenly felt a clawing panic as self-loathing filled me. All this timehe’d been holding on so tight to us. “I don’t deserve you, Lewis.”
At my cold pronouncement, he glowered. “Don’t. Don’t make that decision for me. Not like before.”
I winced and turned away, letting out a shuddering breath. “I … I did this to us.”
“Wedid this to us.”
I shook my head. “No, I let it end like this. You would’ve fought if I’d given you the chance.”
“We were kids, Callie. We have to let it go.”
“Can you?” I asked incredulously. “How can you trust me, Lewis? I’ve spent the last seven years hating you because it was easier to do that than listen to the voice in my head screaming at me that I was the one who fucked up. That I punished you for being human, that I was rigid and unkind and selfish.”
“Callie … fuck.” Lewis slid across the blanket and wrapped an arm around me, trying to pull me into his side.
But I was stiff. Because I didn’t deserve his comfort.
He let out a puff of air. “I understand why you were hurt back then. I was distant, and you did hear me tell Fyfe I wasn’t as sure as you were that we had a future together. If I’d heard you say those things, I would have been hurt too.”
“The difference is, Lewis, you would have forgiven me, and we wouldn’t have lost seven years of our lives together. And now …” My fears bubbled to the surface. “I’ll never know if we would have made our way back to each other naturally. This baby has forced us back together.”
“No, it hasn’t.” He gripped my chin gently and turned me to face him, to look in his eyes. His expression was fierce as he entreated, “We can raise this baby without being together. If that’s what you want. But it’s not whatIwant. I wouldn’t have gotten up at two a.m. to bring you to the beach for a picnic if I didn’t want you. I wanted to come home years ago, and I didn’t because I couldn’t live in the same town as you and watch you have a life with someone else. As soon as you left me in London, though, I knew that Ihadto come home. For me and for you. And that was before I knew you were pregnant.”
“Why?” I begged, eyes filled with tears. “I pushed you away. I didn’t trust you. I didn’t give back to you all that loyalty I was asking from you. I snuck out after we had sex.”
“The latter I get because it was intense. So, I forgive you for leaving that morning. As for the rest … you were a kid,” he whispered gruffly. “Callie, you were a kid. And you’d been through more than most kids. I won’t hold that moment against you. Not when there are a million other moments that prove how loving and sweet and funny and kindmyCallie is.” His thumb swiped over my cheek in a caress.
I wrapped my hand around his wrist but didn’t push him away. “What … what if you don’t like who I am now?”
“I do,” he said without taking a beat. “You’re still Callie. And I’m still me, but I’ve grown up too. I missed Ardnoch, Cal. I missed it more than I ever thought possible. And I kicked myself because I thought I wanted out … and I lost you over that. But I know what I want now. I want you, here, for the rest of my life.”
I was humbled by his conviction, and my heart suddenly felt too big in my chest. “I still think we need time. To take it slowly. To date. To make sure … this is what you want.”
Lewis frowned and pulled his arm from my grasp. “You’re not sure?”
He deserved my honesty. “I would give anything to spend the rest of my life proving to you I can be who you deserve … but I’m afraid I don’t deserve you. Everything’s a mess, Lewis.” Tears slipped down my cheeks. “People are gossiping about me, Harry was getting bullied at school because of me … and now everyone’s going to think I trapped you.”
“Callie, stop.” Lewis took me by the shoulders, his expression determined, passionate.“Who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks? All that matters is whatyouthink, whatIthink, and that our families support us. And we have that from them. Everyone else can go fuck themselves.”
I let out a huff of laughter.
“I mean it.” He cupped my face in his palms. “I hate that they’ve made you feel bad about yourself. You are so impressive, Callie. You lived in a foreign country for three years by yourself. You trained at a top pastry school in Paris and instead of taking that experience to some fancy, pretentious restaurant in a city, you brought it home to your mum’s bakery. Because family is the most important thing to you. And I was your family, so I get that our past will have fucked you up. But I don’t want to hear another word about whether you deserve me. We both made mistakes. But we’re both here now.”
“How can you trust me?” I begged to understand his openness because it put me to shame. “I want you to believe that you can make mistakes, that you can be human and weak with me, that you don’t have to be perfect all the time. But can you?”
