She sighed, the movement pushing her breasts into my chest. Finally, she looked at me. My gut knotted at the sadness I saw there. “I was fourteen.”
It might sound hypocritical considering I’d been a year younger, but I was shocked. I looked at kids now and realized how fucking young I was at thirteen. Just a child doing grown-upthings no child should be doing. “Fourteen is young,” I offered gruffly, waiting for her to say more.
She lazily traced circles on my chest. “As soon as I got breasts, I started to notice that boys … andmen”—her lip curled in disgust—“treated me differently. Boys at school. People who worked with my parents. They talked about how beautiful I was and how I was just like my mom. Looking me over, staring at my body in a way they shouldn’t.”
Anger burned hot through me and my grip on her back tightened. “I’m sorry.”
Allegra met my gaze. “Nothing really bad happened, but it scared me. Suddenly, I wasn’t being treated like a kid anymore, but Iwasstill a kid. I was so scared of it all, but none of my friends seemed to be. They talked about sex like they were grown-ups. Looking back, I know now they were all bluster and trying to be cool. But back then, I thought there was something wrong with me because I wasn’t ready to feel that way about my body yet. I decided that the only way to not be afraid was to face my fear. That summer, Dad invited me to be on set of his movie. There were a few younger actors. One of them was seventeen and he was very attentive. So I had sex with him.”
I’d never have touched a fourteen-year-old when I was seventeen. In fact, I’d never even whenIwas fourteen. Despite my own young age, the girls I’d had sex with at that time had all been older. “Creep,” I snarled.
“Yeah, turned out he really was. And, of course, I didn’t get over my fear of being sexual, being seen as sexual. I just felt … used.” With a heavy sigh, Allegra rested her cheek on my chest again and I held her fast. I hated that for her. I hated that her entire teenage years had been such a fucking mess in general.
“The next time was with Dax. He’s Moira Reynolds’s son and he was my first real boyfriend. He dumped me when the paparazzi started following us. I thought I cared about him.I probably did as much as fourteen-year-old me could. Then Ashton. I did care about him.” Her voice shook a little as she spoke about him, and I knew no matter how much therapy or how much confiding she did, Allegra would always carry guilt over the boy.
“But he was the last person I had any real feelings for until you. Sex has just been sex … until you.” She rested her palm over my heart. “It used to drive me crazy that I wanted you so badly and you didn’t seem to want me back. People only see me as a pretty face, and I used to tell myself that it was okay, because at least they found something worthy about me, even if it was the way I looked, which I couldn’t take credit for. But you didn’t seem to want me for any reason … and I used to wonder what it was about me that you found so off-putting.” She chuckled, but I heard the hurt there. Even after the last week of me worshipping every inch of her, she was still hurt I’d kept my distance for five years.
A pang of regret scored across my chest. I touched her chin, forcing her to look at me. For her, I would be honest, even if it cost me something. “I stayed away because I knew that once with you would never be enough … and that I’d spend the rest of my life wanting someone I couldn’t have.”
Tears cast a wet sheen over her eyes. “Jared …”
“You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known … but you’re so much more than that. You walk into a room and you light it up. People gravitate toward you. And it’s not just because you’re easy on the eyes, baby. It’s because they feel your goodness and it makes them feel good too. You don’t judge. You’re always kind. You defend people you care about no matter what it costs. You’re a fierce, fierce sister and friend. And you’re so fucking talented, it blows my mind. And people see that in you, Allegra.Isee that in you. I always have.”
“Jared.” She suddenly reached for me, her kiss hungry and desperate and it instantly ignited my own need.
I held on to her as I launched up off the couch. This time it was my turn and I wanted her in my bed so I could take her as hard and as deep as we both needed. Because I could feel this thing between us buzzing through our veins like electricity. Overwhelming. Too much.
It was too much.
It was possible devastation.
But I couldn’t have stopped myself from being with Allegra if the world depended upon it.
As we crashed down onto my bed, I powered into her, her now familiar cries of pleasure causing a hot zing through my blood.
“Mine,” I growled against her lips as I fucked her.
Her fingernails bit into my back as she arched into me and gasped, “Yours.”
“Yours.” The word was guttural but freely given back to her.
Joy suffused the physical pleasure on her face and her thighs tightened around my hips. “Mine.”
Twenty-Four
Allegra
For not the first time since I’d started sleeping in Jared’s room, the alarm was an unwelcome noise waking us both from dreaming. I didn’t mind getting up before the crack of dawn, but this past week … it was almost a physical pain being dragged from the warmth of Jared’s embrace.
He rolled over and the arm that had been slung over my waist, holding me close, disappeared to switch off the alarm. Then he was back, smoothing a hand down my hip as he brushed a tender kiss across my naked shoulder. “Why don’t you sleep in this morning?” he offered, his voice raspy with sleep. “I’ll take care of the chickens.”
It was sweet of him, considering we’d only had a few hours’ sleep because of sex, but I wanted to pull my weight. No one was ever going to accuse me of being a spoiled, pampered princess. I turned my head to catch his jaw with a kiss, his beard tickling my lips. “No, I’m getting up.” At least during the summer it was warm. I could only imagine how much harder it was going to be to get out of bed in the height of a Highland winter.
We conserved time and water by showering together. Though we couldn’t linger, I still enjoyed smoothing shower wash overJared’s pecs and abs. When my hand dipped lower, he laughed and grabbed my wrist.
“If you keep touching me, I’m going to be late to meet Georgie.”
Granting him mercy, I chuckled and stopped feeling up my husband. It was only serving to get me hot and bothered too. Once we were dressed and out of the shower, however, Jared decidedhewanted to play the tormentor. Making breakfast together in the kitchen, he kept pressing his body to mine and trailing his fingertips across the bare skin between my tank and shorts.
