“Oh?” North quirked an eyebrow. “Your wife loves to travel.”
Allegra narrowed her eyes on her brother-in-law. “Actually, I love Scotland more than I love to travel.”
As the conversation continued from the sitting room to when we were seated around the dining table, I grew more uncomfortable. The couples asked us questions and it became clear to everyone in the room that Allegra and I knew very little about each other.
It was my fault.
She’d tried to make conversation with me. To ask me questions. I always had some excuse to be elsewhere so I could keep my distance. When Allegra had shared that she thought we might not even have to do an interview for her visa, I’d grown even more distant with her.
But as I avoided the concerned glances of the people who cared about us, that guilt I’d felt earlier formed into a hard knot in my gut. I was desperate to get back to the house, to escape the feeling, but Sloane had insisted on after-dinner coffee. I’d excused myself to use the bathroom, but it was really to get a reprieve from them and from my own self-flagellating.
What I didn’t need was to step out of the bathroom and almost walk right into my cousin-in-law.
Theo nodded silently toward a back room that was set up as an office. With an irritated sigh, I followed him.
“What a fucking mess you’re making of this, old boy,” Theo opined in a low voice.
I scowled. “Why do you care?”
“Because Sarah cares.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t like when she’s worried about you. It detracts her attention from me.”
Liar. He just didn’t like when she was worried, period. Sarah had him tied tightly around her wee pinky finger. “Well, it’s none of your business.”
Theo’s expression was grim. “If you want people to buy that you married Mrs. McCulloch for love—and by people, I mean the appropriate authorities—you are going to need to stop treating your wife with the indifference of a stranger.”
That guilt swelled almost painfully inside me. “I don’t do that.”
“Yes, you do. You might not want her—though I don’t bloody well know why not—but you could at least treat her with a modicum of interest. At least encourage friendship.”
“You’re giving me relationship advice?” I scoffed.
Theo closed the distance between us. “Everyone thinks I’m a cold bastard who doesn’t care about anyone but Sarah. They can think what they want. Frankly, she tops a very small list, so they’re not wrong. But when I married her, you became family, whether either of us wanted that or not.”
“Gee, thanks,” I muttered.
“I treated Sarah badly once,” Theo admitted hollowly.
His tone surprised me, the irritation slipping from my face.
“Worst I’ve ever felt. I still think about it, and even after all these years, it still makes me feel like scum.” His voice lowered again. “Everyone Allegra cares about … she’s lying to them. You have absolutely no idea what that girl has been through in herlife. I don’t either. But it doesn’t take a genius to know she’s been throughsomething. My guess? You married her to save the farm and she married you for a visa—don’t worry, I won’t repeat that—which means the only person she’s not lying to, and has as a confidant right now, isyou.
“That’s the bargain you made when you married her. And you’d be an epic sort of prick if you left her to feel alone in this scheme of yours. No one’s asking you to love her, Jared.” He patted my arm. “But you could at least treat her with something more than indifference. For her sake. And for yours. Because I know you. If you hurt her, you’ll start to hate yourself for it.”
I nodded grimly at him.
Allegra had already changed because of my callous attitude. And I was starting to hate myself for that alone.
Sixteen
Jared
Our respective family members and friends exchanged more concerned glances as we left the Ironside home. They weren’t exactly subtle about it. Theo’s surprising words of wisdom and my own fears of turning into someone I didn’t like forced me to reexamine the way I played out this marriage.
Was I really not strong enough to forge a friendship with Allegra without it turning into something more?
On reflection, I refused to believe I had such little self-control as that.
As Allegra sat in stony silence on the drive back to the house, I considered all the reasons I’d put up this barrier between us. And if I was honest with myself, it was mostly self-protection. Not just from her and the way she made me feel, but from letting her know me. Really know me. To know where I came from and the bad shit I’d done in my life before my grandfather gave me a chance to be better.
