Theo shrugged casually. “Because kissing can be damn nice and even better, it can be damn hot. It’s troubling that you won’t let yourself experience it because of that little prick.”
“I don’t like kissing.” I turned away from him, feeling embarrassment creep up—and frankly annoyed he’d use what I’d told him against me.Tell him that!Huffing, I spun in my chair to face him. “You’re being a shit bringing it up like this.”
He raised an eyebrow, a stupid smirk curling his lips. “I don’t mean to be a shit. I’m trying to talk to you about it.”
“Why?”
“Because an older boy forced a kiss on you. Of course you hated it! It doesn’t mean you shut yourself off from enjoying it with someone youwantto kiss.”
“I don’t want to kiss anyone,” I lied. Because maybe I’d imagined what it might be like to kiss other men I’d crushed on. Maybe I’d even imagined what it might be like to kiss Theo.
“Lies.” He called me out. “I’ve seen you looking at my mouth.”
Heat flushed my cheeks, and I cursed my pale skin and the capillaries beneath that were obviously closer to the surface than other people’s. “I-I …”
“Don’t worry.” Theo waved off my embarrassment. “I’m nice to look at. It’s not a crime to recognize my attractiveness.”
“You are such a cocky prick sometimes,” I muttered hotly, looking back at my computer screen. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’m trying to write.”
He leaned in so quickly, I gasped, his face inches from mine when I turned to meet his gaze. His heady aftershave drifted over me and I shivered. “What …”
Theo searched my eyes before his attention dipped to my lips. “Let me kiss you.”
Blood rushed in my ears. “Are you mocking me?”
His eyes rose from my mouth to meet my suspicious gaze. “I would never,” he said with rare sincerity. “I want to kiss you. I enjoy kissing. But more than anything, I want to help you move on from what happened to you.” He was so close, his breath whispered across my lips. Tingles awoke between my thighs as my belly fluttered wildly. “We’ll take it slow. Ease you into it. If you want to try, that is?”
My pulse throbbed in my neck, and I thought my heartbeat must be so loud Theo could hear it.
The truth was, I did want to know what kissing was like when you wanted it with someone. I’d just been so afraid because my first experience had been all about fear.
“Like an experiment?” I whispered.
Theo nodded. “If that makes it feel safe for you, then yes, like an experiment.”
I knew my cheeks were bright red as I nodded. “All right, then. But … I want to kiss you first. Not you kiss me.”
Something softer than triumph glittered in Theo’s eyes. “I think we can manage that.”
Twelve
SARAH
Theo had insisted we sit on the couch that faced the fire. It was a comfortable old sofa in a floral fabric not even my grandmother would have picked out. I needed to update the furniture in here.
And I dithered so I didn’t have to think about the way my knees trembled as I lowered myself onto the cushion next to Theo. He shimmied closer, resting his arm along the back of the couch.
“What are you thinking about?” he murmured silkily.
“The wordgallimaufry,” I blurted out, twisting my fingers nervously in my lap.
Theo’s mouth trembled with amusement as he reached out to smooth his hand over mine. I jumped at his touch. His skin was rougher and more calloused than a person might expect, but I remembered him telling me he was part of a rowing team back at Oxford and he’d continued to row alone after graduation. Were the calluses from rowing for years?
“Why are you thinking about the wordgallimaufry?” he asked softly, his lips almost touching my ear.
A shiver skated down my spine and I turned a wee bit so our faces almost touched. “I need to get rid of the furniture in here,” I offered, my voice hoarse with tension and nerves. “Put my own stamp on the place. Something more cohesive.”
“Ah.” Understanding dawned. “It is quite the gallimaufry of furnishing, isn’t it?”
