She raised an eyebrow. “Lettingme?”
Four
Kenna
Just because he’d been bossy and domineering, I gave Haydyn the silent treatment as we drove to his place. It was childish. The truth was, though, my emotions were already heightened because of the time of year, and I was frustrated that I actually did need to be “rescued” by my boss. Staying in the caravan was silly, and possibly dangerous, in a snowstorm, so when I saw his car pull up I’d already decided that if he asked me to stay at his, I would. No matter the consequences.
But he didn’t ask. He demanded.
Instead of parking out on the driveway, Haydyn reversed his car into the garage he only used during inclement weather. As soon as he cut the engine, he turned to me. “I’m sorry.”
I reluctantly looked at him.
His dark eyes filled with remorse and concern. “I’m sorry I made you feel like you had to lie to me about your plans. And I’m sorry for being a belligerent bastard about it. It bothers me that you were going to stay out there alone. It bothers me you’re out there alone, period.”
My heart beat fast. What did that mean? Obviously, he cared about me. But was that it? Was that why he threw himself off me on Halloween, as if he was disgusted? I tried to find my voice. “It’s temporary.”
Haydyn nodded with a heavy sigh. “Let’s get in the house.”
The garage was attached, so we didn’t need to trudge back out into the snow. Haydyn let us in through the side door and I followed him into the warmth of the house. “You can sleep in Michael’s room.”
His words reminded me that he was all alone today too. He’d apologized for his attitude, so I decided to forgive him and put it aside. “How are you doing? With Michael at his mum’s for Christmas?”
Haydyn shrugged out of his coat and scarf. “Honestly, it only hit me when I woke up this morning and he wasn’t here. On Christmas Eve, we have our traditions. In the morning, I make chocolate chip pancakes and we watchRise of the Guardians. Then we venture into the village, grab hot chocolate from Flora’s, walk around for a bit, and then come home, have homemade chicken burgers and fries, and watch a marathon of Christmas movies until bedtime. Then I wait until he’s asleep to bring out his gifts hidden in the locked closet in my bedroom. It’s always been exciting for me too.”
His expression was unbearably sad as he took my coat and scarf to hang up. “It’s depressing knowing I won’t be doing that tonight for the first time in ten years.”
Sympathy ached in my chest. “It’s just one year,” I promised him.
Haydyn scrubbed a hand down his face. “Is it, though? And even then, I suppose this gives me a taste of what it’ll be like in a few years when he’s too old for this stuff. He already told me this year that Santa isn’t real.”
“Oh, he told me that too.” I strode toward the kitchen. “And I could see the hopeful, pleading glint in his eyes practically begging me to tell him different.”
“Really?”
I turned at the smile in Haydyn’s voice. “Aye. Really.”
“What did you tell him?” He watched me curiously as I pulled a pan out of the cupboard and set it on the hob.
“I didn’t want to outright lie, so I just shrugged nonchalantly and said, ‘I wonder how Santa would feel about you saying that?’ and left it at that.”
He chuckled. “Nicely maneuvered.”
“My point is,” I continued as I pulled a bar of chocolate and milk out of the fridge, “Michael is still a boy, and you still have plenty of time with him.”
“Hmm.” Haydyn leaned against the kitchen island, arms crossed, the position straining the fine knit of his cashmere sweater around his biceps. “What are you making?” I glanced back at the hob as I dropped the chopped-up chocolate into a pan and then poured in milk, cocoa, and light brown sugar.
“Homemade hot chocolate.” I glanced over my shoulder. “I thought we could keep some of your traditions alive. And it’s snowing, so hot chocolate is a must.”
His gaze searched my face almost tenderly. “I’m glad you’re here.”
Skin hot, I turned back to the hob. I was so confused. Haydyn had attempted to talk to me about Halloween, but I didn’t want him to say to my face that he wasn’t interested because I wasn’t sure I could take it. Usually, I wasn’t so fragile, but with Mum and Dad on my mind, that big gaping hole in my heart, I couldn’t handle emotions as well as I usually could. And the truth was, I’d fallen in love with my boss. I’d fallen in love with both him and Michael. For months I’d been trying to convince myself that I was just lonely and latching on to the first people who came along who seemed like family.
However, even desperation couldn’t fabricate the chemistry I had with Haydyn. It justwas. I’d never wanted anyone the way I wanted him. I’d lost all sense of everything else but him that night on his couch.
I thought his springing off me like he was horrified meant he didn’t feel the same way and had just gotten turned on by the movie we were watching. But now and then, I find him staring at me with his heart in his eyes, and it confused me … because … he stared at me like he might feel the same way back.
Sighing inwardly, I stirred the mixture until it melted and then I whisked it. Haydyn reached into the cupboard and pulled two mugs down. “Whipped cream?” I asked him.
