We sat at a picnic table as darkness fell, talking and giving each other crap. It reminded me of nights I’d spent with my buddies on the rodeo circuit. Those had been good times, but this was, too. Maybe I really had found a place where I could fit in and belong.
THIRTY-FOUR
AMY
“What a day,” I said, walking into the ranch’s kitchen and kicking my shoes off. The rodeo was only a few days away and the pressure was on me to make sure everything was ready. I’d spent half the day on the phone with vendors and the other half at the rodeo grounds, making sure everything was set up and ready to go.
The community had really come together with all the volunteers doing the physical work along with everyone who had loaned equipment and supplies. I almost cried when the porta-potty vendor sent me their invoice with zero money owed. And in exchange for discounted space for their food offerings, both Charlie’s Pride and Magiano’s Pizza donated water and snacks for the competitors.
“I’m making grilled cheese. You want one?” Jake asked from his spot near the stove.
“Yes, please,” I said gratefully. “Did Henry eat already?”
“Mom fed him before she left for her book club. He’s playing videogames now,” Jake said, “and don’t worry, he did his homework and his chores. Take a seat. You look like you’re about to drop.”
I sank down on a stool while Jake made the sandwiches. “You got in late last night. Did you and Brian have fun?”
“Just beers and bullshit,” Jake said, handing me a plate with a perfectly grilled sandwich on it. But he hesitated as he stood in front of me, making me look up into his face.
“What is it?” I asked. Jake wasn’t the type to talk about things, but I could clearly see that something was bothering him.
“Cal was there last night, too,” he said, keeping his eyes on me.
“Oh.” I pulled my gaze away and focused on my plate, busying myself with tearing the grilled cheese in half. It would make sense that they’d get together. They were brothers and I knew he was still staying at the B&B.
“I hope you all can be friends.” My words weren’t a platitude. I did hope that Cal had found the brothers he’d never had in Jake and Brian. I also hoped there was a place for me and Henry somewhere in his heart, but I wasn’t going to say that aloud.
“Yeah. Me, too.” He drew in an audible breath and I steeled myself for what was coming. “Are you willing to try again with him?”
I sighed, wanting to be honest with him but unsure if the truth would hurt him. Would he be upset to hear that I’d moved on from Luke?
“If you are, you need to tell him that Luke was just a guy,” Jake said, shocking me into silence. “We all loved Luke and we miss him, but Cal’s got it in his head that Luke was some kind of perfect husband.”
How had Cal gotten that impression? I’d never said it. But even as I asked myself the question, I realized that Luke had been so well loved by others and so revered in town that Cal could have easily been misled. I’d also done nothing to dispel the idea since it felt somehow disloyal.
“It’s hard when you feel like no matter what you do, you can never live up to the person who did the job before you,” Jake said.
I glanced up at him sharply. Was Jake talking about running the ranch? I studied his face but couldn’t read it. I knew he exhausted himself trying to make everything perfect, trying to fill the shoes left by his father and brother. Was that a problem for him? He’d never said as much, but I wondered.
“I know you’ve always defended Luke,” Jake continued, “and Mom bought it because she only wanted to remember the best parts of Luke, but Brian and I knew?—”
I knew what the next words were and said them before Jake could. “That Luke and I didn’t have anything close to a perfect marriage.” There, I admitted the truth aloud to someone in the family for the first time—and it was kind of liberating.
“Yeah, that,” Jake said. He looked like he wanted to say more. He pointed to my sandwich. “Better eat before it gets cold.”
I looked at my plate where I’d torn the grilled cheese into small chunks during the conversation. I popped one in my mouth, considering what Jake had said. Maybe I owed Cal the truth about my marriage, even if it was messy and unflattering and made me uncomfortable. It might be the only way we could move forward toward a new life together, and I wanted that so much. I suddenly realized that buying a house and putting the physical distance between myself and the Thornes wasn’t enough. He needed to understand my past, and I had to be honest with him about it.
I slowly ate the sandwich and drank from the glass of lemonade that Jake put in front of me. The more I thought about my situation, the more I realized that I owed Cal a conversation. And it couldn’t wait. It had to be now. Tonight. I hopped off the stool and kissed Jake on thecheek. “You’re a sweetheart and don’t let anyone tell you any different.”
Jake huffed. “I’m not sweet. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Can you watch Henry tonight?” I knew he would. Jake was a great uncle.
“Sure,” Jake almost grinned at me, “but we’re going to play videogames until bedtime, just so you know.”
“Just this once, I can live with that. Thanks, Jake.” I made a quick stop to check on Henry before going to my room. I had to call Cal and set up a meeting. I dialed his number and waited through four long rings chantingplease pick upover and over before he answered.
“Hi, Amy,” he said while I was mentally preparing the message I’d leave.
