Lily sat with that for a moment. She’d always thought of herself as the opposite of determined—someone who kept the peace and smoothed things over so no one would be disappointed. That was the lie she’d been living, but the truth was she was strong. Strong enough to walk away and strong enough to wait for the love she truly wanted.
“Thanks,” she said quietly. “I appreciate that.”
Evie sat cross-legged on the rug in front of the fire with her laptop open, listening. She met Lily’s look and smiled at her. “You’ve always wanted more, Lil. Don’t stop now.”
She looked around at her family—messy, loud, imperfect—and felt the hollow ache of what she didn’t have, but she no longer apologized for wanting more.
“Guess I’m greedy,” she said with a crooked smile. “But I’d rather want too much than not enough.”
For too long, she’d believed wanting more made her selfish or needy, but the truth was, wanting more just made her human, and she wasn’t afraid of it anymore.
Someday.
Annette sat across from her, wineglass in hand, her eyes soft as she looked around at her family. “You girls know more than I ever did at your age. I’m proud of all of you.”
Teddy stirred against her chest, sighing a baby sigh so sweet it broke her heart wide open. Lily pressed a kiss to his fuzz, blinking through tears.
She had her studio. She had her sisters and Annette. She had tenderness to spare. And a dream she wasn’t giving up on, even if it made her ache tonight.
Her phone buzzed on the coffee table with an unknown number flashing on the screen. Her stomach dropped the way it always did when she saw that, reminding her of the moment a photo had changed the course of her life.
She shifted Teddy to one arm and fumbled with the phone with one hand. “Hello?”
A female voice. “Hi. Is this Lily?”
“Yes.”
“Hi. This is Rachel. Rush’s sister.”
Lily’s heart slammed so hard she almost dropped the phone. Panic crashed through her, making her dizzy.
“Is he okay?” she demanded sharply.
“Oh—yes! He’s fine. Sorry,” Rachel said quickly. “I didn’t mean to scare you. He askedme to call.”
Lily sagged back onto the couch, tears pricking hot behind her eyes.
Rachel went on gently. “Rush wanted you to know you could come pick up your box of Christmas decorations. He boxed them up for you. Is tomorrow too soon?”
Oh. Damn. The words hit harder than she expected. She almost told Rachel to donate the whole box. How could she possibly open it without her heart aching at the memories of spending Christmas with Rush at the farmhouse? She’d keep those close to her heart for as long as she could.
“Tomorrow’s fine,” Lily finally said. She cleared her throat, aware of her family watching her curiously. “I’ll come by in the afternoon.”
“Perfect,” Rachel said, almost sounding cheerful. Lily tried not to wince. “I can leave the key for you under the doormat after my shift tonight.”
“Oh,” Lily managed. Her heart twisted. “Thank you.”
“Of course, and Lily…” Rachel hesitated. “I wish we could’ve met. Maybe someday.”
Lily pressed her lips together, staring at the baby sleeping against her heart. “Maybe,” she whispered.
But inside, she knew she never wanted to—because meeting Rachel would mean thinking about Rush, and she couldn’t.
Not when she still loved him this much.
Chapter Forty-Five
The next day,after her last class, Lily drove out to the farmhouse. She rolled the window down, letting the cool March breeze ruffle her hair. Spring was showing herself in Northfield more every day, teasing her with soft warmth in the afternoon and stealing it back at night.
