“You going to give up detective work? I hear there’s a sheriff position available,” Rush said, aware of a bristling he had no right to feel about a job he’d given up.
Grant shrugged. “I’d like to keep doing what I do now, but I might have to take that position.” He raised his eyebrows. “Unless you want it back.”
Rush stayed quiet, and Grant went on.
“I’m missing out on everything I thought about constantly when we were deployed,” Grant said quietly. “My family’s back in Northfield. I want to know my niece and nephews and actually be there for them. I missed years with Lieren when she was in high school. And Ford and Landon and Georgie––I don’t know how much longer we’ll have with her. I want to be there while we still do.”
Rush knew that ache. He’d spent the last month circling the same thoughts. Family. Pop. Rachel and Sarah. Babies. Lily. The image of her holding Mira had lodged itself in his chest like shrapnel—sharp and impossible to ignore. He wanted that too.
Grant tipped his beer in a mock salute. “Looks like we’re in the same boat.”
Rush’s jaw flexed, but this time he didn’t deny it. He couldn’t because Grant was right. “Ah, fuck.”
“‘Ah, fuck’ is right.”
Rush let out a long breath. For the first time in weeks, he let the truth settle. He was miserable. Not because of Boston but because of everything he’d left behind.
Lily in the hospital room, rocking Mira with tears on her cheeks. Chloe’s wide blue eyes in her angel costume, singingagain. The accident had nearly broken him, and for months, he’d let the guilt define him. Sitting here now, he finally admitted what he’d been too much of a coward to face—he hadn’t failed that night. He’d saved Chloe. He’d done his job. It wasn’t enough to bring Caroline back, but maybe it was enough to stop punishing himself.
And Lily… Christ, it hurt to think about her, and the future she’d painted so vividly he could almost touch it. For so long, he’d told himself he couldn’t give her what she wanted—a family, a home to share, a love that didn’t walk away. The truth was, he wanted it too. He wanted it with her.
He couldn’t keep running away from his guilt. Or from her.
Grant checked his watch and tossed some cash on the table. “You’ve got a choice, Callahan. Stay miserable, or go home.”
“Yeah,” Rush said. This time it wasn’t a deflection. It was an agreement.
On his way out, he caught the bartender’s eye and jerked his chin toward the brunettes. “Might want to cut them off—and keep an eye on those two guys.”
The bartender gave him a pound. “On it, big guy. Appreciate it.”
Outside, the night air was sharp and cool, biting against his skin with the March chill still lingering. He pulled his phone from his pocket. His thumb hovered, heart pounding harder than it had in combat, but he knew what he had to do. What he wanted to do.
He hit Dial.
“Mrs. Whitmore? It’s Rush Callahan.” His voice was husky with emotion but steady. “About that dinner…”
When he hung up, he looked down the empty Boston street, the neon buzzing behind him. For the first time in months, he wasn’t running.
He was going home.
Chapter Forty-Four
Lily pressedher palms together at her heart and bowed. “Namaste.”
“Namaste,” her class echoed, though when she opened her eyes, Connie had hers cracked open and was looking at her. After forty-five minutes of yoga, Lily was wary of the glint in her gaze.
Lily rolled up her mat, turned off the stereo, and chatted with students as they packed up. Outside, March still clung stubbornly to winter, but the first yellow daffodils were just poking their heads up through the ground outside her windows. She noticed things like that now. New beginnings.
It helped when endings felt so damn sad.
But she wasn’t thinking about that. At least not much. She tried very hard not to think about how much she’d fallen in love with Rush. Yes, she could admit it now. There was no halfway about it. She had gone and fallen head over heels for Sheriff Sexy, and it hadn’t ended well.
She’d spent the last month practicing yoga and meditation, dancing when it got too sad and she had to move her body or risk picking up the phone.
Yes, she missed Rush terribly, but she also worried about him. Wondered if he was still punishing himself, if he was sleeping, if he could drive by the water without shaking.
She really wanted that for him, even if they hadn’t worked out together. He deserved peace.
