At the far end of the bar, two women were already about two drinks past smart. Rush had clocked them when he walked in. It was hard not to. Young, laughing too loud, leaning into a couple of guys who were buying their drinks a little too quick. They couldn’t be much older than Sarah, which put his hackles up immediately.
Every so often, they’d cut glances his way. He ignored them. The last thing he wanted was meaningless chatter with someone whose name he wouldn’t remember. Not when a pair of wide green eyes still haunted him.
One of them slid off her stool, drink in hand, and swayed closer. She leaned against the bar and smiled wide. “You guys look like you could use some company tonight. My friend and I would love to join you.”
Rush shook his head. “We’re all set.”
The woman’s smile dipped, and Grant added smoothly. “Appreciate it, though. Hope you two enjoy your night.”
She blinked uncertainly then shrugged and returned the smile before making her way back to her friend.
Grant eyed him. “Guess Boston really doesn’t do it for you, huh?”
Rush ignored that. “How’s life?”
Grant smiled faintly. “About the same. I’m working that triple homicide in Dorchester. Lots of late nights at my desk, and then that one phone call comes, and suddenly your adrenaline spikes and you’re chasing suspects down alleys.” He grinned. “That part makes up for the paperwork.”
“Yeah.” Rush grinned back. “That’s the fun part.”
“Come on, Rush, you’ve got a good gig. The money’s solid, good benefits, and nobody’s shooting at you. What more could you want?”
Rush stared into the amber bottle. What more could he want? He’d been asking himself that question since he’d packed up the last of his boxes and Riggs’s bed into his truck and left Northfield behind.
Grant let the silence stretch before leaning in. “You could always go back. Theo said they still haven’t found a replacement for you.” His eyes cut toward the two women still sneaking looks and narrowed his eyes thoughtfully. “You could see if Lily’s moved on from your big dumb ass, or if she looks as sorry as you right now.”
Rush shot him a lethal look. “What the fuck does that mean?”
Grant shrugged. “I spend my days reading people. From what I saw in that hospital room, you two looked like you had unfinished business.”
“We finished it,” Rush said broodingly.
“If it’s not Lily you’re running from, it’s the accident,” Grant said calmly, despite Rush’s scowl. “Don’t shoot the messenger. It’s one or the other to leave a good job like that.Your family’s there, Rush. People don’t just up and walk away from things that don’t matter.”
Rush didn’t answer, but Lily’s face rose up in his mind—her green eyes soft in ways he couldn’t understand, yet wanted anyway. The look on her face when she’d whisperedI want this. So damn much.
“It’s her, isn’t it? Lily?”
Rush’s grip tightened around the bottle. “It doesn’t matter.”
“The hell it doesn’t. You’d sit through firefights steady as a rock, but one look from her and you didn’t stand a chance.” Grant shook his head. “Don’t sit here pretending Boston’s the answer when every part of you wants to be back there.”
“Even if I did, it wouldn’t change anything.” Rush blew out a hard breath. “I can’t give her what she wants.”
And there it was—haunting him again. Don’t feel too much. Don’t want too much. Don’t love too hard. That way, when it all went to hell, no one could say he’d failed them.
He hadn’t been strong enough to keep his distance from her. He’d just been a coward.
Deep down, he knew the truth. He loved her. Not the easy kind of love that fit neatly into his life but the kind that got under his skin and stayed there, no matter how far he ran. Jesus, but he loved that woman. A month had gone by, and he still woke up with her in his head, still saw her face every time he closed his eyes.
He missed her laugh—the way it came from her whole body. The smell of her hair when she curled into him. The way her voice softened when she said his name, like it meant something worth keeping.
Loving Lily wasn’t the weakness he’d told himself it was. It was the only thing that made him feel alive.
“You don’t know what you can give her until you try. WhatI do know is that sitting here in this city, wasting yourself on corporate gigs, isn’t it.”
“You speaking from experience?”
Grant’s eyes turned serious. “I am,” he said quietly. “I’m done here too. I’m moving back in the spring.”
