After a few minutes, Grant left to check into his hotel, and Amber insisted she couldn’t rest until she had a shower.
“I think I need your help,” she groaned, holding onto the arm Theo held out to get off the bed. “Can you hold Teddy for a bit?”
Before Rush could object, Teddy was in his arms, tiny and impossibly fragile against all that muscle. He came to sit on the bed next to her rocker. It wasn’t lost on Lily, the strange, temporary family tableau they made. Teddy in his arms, Mira in hers.
“They’re so small,” she whispered. She didn’t dare look up, or the tears would fall.
“Yeah.” His voice was rough. “First time I held Rachel and Sarah, I thought I’d crush them. My hands didn’t fit around something so tiny. But then they grabbed on, and I knew I’d do anything—anything—to keep them safe,” he finished huskily.
Lily risked a glance at him. His jaw was locked tightly, but he held Teddy in his strong arms so naturally that it was both beautiful and unbearable.
She rocked Mira gently, tracing the curve of her cheek with her fingertip. “Aren’t theybeautiful?”
“Yes.” When she looked up, he wasn’t watching the baby. He was watching her.
Her chest squeezed. “You did good today,” she whispered. “Delivering them.”
His mouth tugged at one corner. “Panicked for a minute there. But then—” He shifted Teddy and rubbed the back of his neck. “Had to face it.”
Something unspooled inside her at the admission. At the proof he could fight his fears. Proof he could heal. Proof he could stay… if he wanted to.
“Grant said you’re still planning on leaving?” she asked softly.
“Yeah. Couple more weeks.” His gaze stayed fixed on Teddy. “House is in talks right now. It’s a nice family. Just what you wanted for the next owners.” He said it lightly, but his eyes were tired.
“Yeah,” she murmured. “Just what I wanted.”
“Hey,” he said softly, like it was already decided. “Let’s go home. I’ll make dinner and?—”
Her heart leaped before she could stop it. For one sweet, dangerous moment, she almost nodded. To go home with him and pet Riggs and sit in that beautiful kitchen overlooking the apple orchard while Rush cooked, and she pretended for a little while longer that this could last.
But she shifted Mira carefully in her arms, pressing her lips to her soft hair and breaking the spell. “Rush… I’ve had two dreams my whole life. Dancing and sharing that with others. And having a family of my own.” Her voice cracked. “I’ve made the first one happen, and I’m not giving up on the other.”
He froze, his eyes wary.
“I can’t go home with you,” she whispered. “I can’t keep doing this with you if I want my dream to come true. It hurts too much.”
“Lily…” He shook his head, pain in his eyes. “I want this too. You know I do. I just—I don’t know how to stay.”
“Don’t be sorry,” she said, even as tears spilled faster down her cheeks. “You never promised me forever. I just didn’t realize how much it would hurt... and how much more it’ll hurt if we drag it out until you leave next month.” A tear fell onto Mira’s cheek. Gently, she wiped it away. “Sorry,” she murmured to them both.
“Don’t ever apologize for crying,” he said hoarsely. “It means you care.”
“Damn,” she laughed, or tried to. “This wasn’t the plan. I thought I’d kiss you goodbye when you left, let you go, and that would’ve been the end. But today changed something for me.”
She looked down at Mira’s tiny sleeping face. “I want this. So damn much it hurts. And I can’t have it if part of me is still hoping you’ll change your mind.”
Another tear slipped down and landed on her wrist. She brushed it away quickly, but Rush caught her hand, his thumb skimming over her pulse.
“It’s true,” she added with a watery laugh. “I’m already halfway to falling in love with you. Okay, more than half.”
He opened his mouth, but she shook her head.
“Don’t. Just let me get this out.”
She took a deep breath and tried to steady herself.I am a still lake. I am a still lake.But the mantra crumbled under the weight of him, of this, of everything she wanted pressing against her chest. Her vision blurred, and the tears slipped through anyway.
“I am in love with you, Rush. And I need to walk away because loving you shouldn’t mean losing the life I’ve dreamed of.”
