It was better this way. Better to live in the now. Better to enjoy him while she had him and keep her heart out of it.
Chapter Thirty-Six
The Clairmont househad never looked so festive. As Northfield’s most popular mayor, Theo’s Christmas Eve party was always the highlight of the season, but since marrying Amber, the festivities had gone up several hundred notches under her guidance.
The huge old Victorian was lit up from the roofline to the ground, garlands draped every surface, and the tree in the front parlor window was even bigger than Rush’s.
Knowing her sister’s tendency for being over-the-top, Lily had gone all out for the night, too—hair curled, lips glossed, and a silky cranberry-red dress that Evie swore made her look like a Christmas ornament come to life. The neckline dipped low enough to feel daring but not embarrassed by her aunts, and the skirt had a long slit on one side to show off a little thigh.
Evie, unfortunately, hadn’t made it. Dr. Pierce had asked her to spend the evening helping him “prepare” for a conference he was presenting at next week. From the outfit Evie had chosen, Lily had a feeling she had other plans. Her twin didn’t break out the silk blouse and pencil skirt combo just to alphabetize research articles.
So Lily was on her own tonight, determined to shake off the melancholy of the last week and enjoy the night, surrounded by family and more than a hundred of Northfield’s residents.
So she smiled. She mingled. She took the wine Theo offered and even let that cute Deputy Ben Tanner make a joke about saving him a dance. At least, she thought he was joking.
Everyone was in high spirits—Annette and the aunts, including Cap, looking dashing in his fire chief uniform, the firefighters and their wives, a scattering of deputies and their families. Lily chatted and laughed, aided by a little alcohol, yes, but she was enjoying herself.
A week since the pageant, longer since Candlelight Night, and Lily hadn’t seen Rush once. A week of silence, but not by accident. She’d made sure of it. She kept herself busy: wrapping presents with Allie for her nieces and nephews, baking cookies with Evie—being careful to steer clear of the sheriff’s office across the street, even walking the long way around the block when she needed to.
It wasn’t that she didn’t want to see him. She wanted to—Lord, did she. She’d wanted real and raw and something that felt alive, and that was exactly what he’d given her. A handful of weeks she could tuck away, a secret stash of heat and memories to pull out years from now when she wanted to remember what it felt like to be consumed.
Rush didn’t owe her anything more. He’d made it clear he wasn’t interested in forever, or even talking, just what they could steal together in the bedroom. Or the couch. Or her studio.
She missed that too.
But tonight, at Theo and Amber’s Christmas Eve party, she was determined to smile, to drink good wine, flirt if she felt like it, and lean on her family. She had her flaws, but self-destruction wasn’t one ofthem.
Then the tingle started—that telltale prickle she always felt right before she saw him. The roar of the party dulled to a buzz, and she went still.
And then she saw him.
His uniform was gone tonight. He wore a dark suit jacket open over a white button-down. Even out of uniform, Rush’s presence held the same gravity. He didn’t bother with polite sheriff smiles tonight—he moved like a man on a mission, searching the room with his eyes. People stepped aside without realizing they’d done it, carving him a path straight to her.
Ben said something at her side, but she didn’t catch it. Rush was walking through the room, right toward her.
“Excuse me,” he rumbled when he reached her, his hand cupping her bare elbow. The heat of it made her shiver.
“Looking for someone?” Ben taunted with an easy grin, but Rush didn’t even glance his way.
He simply steered her away from the crush of people, into a quieter room off the living room.
Her pulse hammered so loudly she wondered if he could hear it. She swallowed, trying to summon her cool. “Didn’t expect to see you here, Sheriff.”
His eyes dragged over her, from the cranberry silk skimming her curves to the gloss on her lips before locking on her eyes. “Yeah,” he said gruffly. “Figured that out.”
“I’ve been busy,” she said, only half lying.
“Busy avoiding me.” He didn’t soften the accusation, but his thumb skimmed the tender skin of her inner arm, almost as if he had to touch her. “You think I haven’t noticed?”
Lily lifted her chin. His eyes were silver-gray and clear with purpose. “Have you?”
“Drove me out of my fucking mind all week.”
The words landed hot in her belly. She wanted to be cautious, to protect the rather small part of her heart left that hehadn’t already touched, but that wasn’t her nature. “Well, I’m here now,” she said softly, smiling up at him.
“I can’t stay away from you.” He brushed his fingers against her cheek. “Every damn day I walk into work and have to force myself not to walk across the street. But every damn day, it feels like I can’t breathe without you.”
The honesty in his voice melted through her, even as her heart thudded so hard it hurt. “Then stop trying,” she whispered.
