“Yeah, but this is different.”And weird as fuck to be talking about it with you.
Pursuing Cameron is the appropriate choice. A member of my family put her through years of misery. She deserves a happily ever after more than anyone, but it is hard to remember my responsibilities when the woman seated across from me deserves the same level of happiness.
The thought of anyone else but me filling those shoes for Macy swamps me with jealousy. Thinking this way is incredibly selfish, and acting like my past promises are irrelevant is wrong, but I can’t demand honesty if I’m not ready to follow my own advice.
I owe it to Cameron to fix my father’s mistakes, but I wonder if I’m wasting my time. If she wants to forget, maybe I should as well.
“What do you want to do, Grayson?” Macy asks, peering up at me with beautiful glistening eyes.
“What I want doesn’t matter.” I should stop there, but my heart continues talking. “I doubt she wants anything to do with me after everything my family put her through, so why bother?”
Macy shrugs. “You won’t know unless you try.” She stands and dusts off her bottom as if she were sitting on the ground instead of on a bench. “You don’t need to make a lifelong commitment, but talking is a great starting point for any relationship.” A flare of hesitation crosses her face before she tucks it back away. “I should probably pee before we head out. I saw the public restrooms near Cameron’s apartment. I’d rather pee my pants than use them.”
I grimace in agreement before shadowing her to the bathroom, still unwilling to let her out of my sight so soon after she gave me my first gray hair.
29
MACY
Through one of the many monitors in the surveillance van, I watch Grayson approach Cameron’s apartment, my breath caught somewhere between my ribs and my throat. Despite the pleas of my heart to shut down the feed, I don’t listen. It’s like a crash site. Although the thought of witnessing the scene up close repels me, I can’t tear my eyes away.
My heart thumps in my ears when Grayson’s knuckles hover near Cameron’s door but never connect with the highly varnished wood. He’s hesitating. I know that look. It’s the same one he gave me before he left the van five minutes ago. He wasn’t sure if leaving was the right choice, as if he feared I might disappear the moment he turned away.
Cameron’s disappearance left him with many neuroses, particularly a fear that one glance could be the final one.
I told him I’d be fine, and I meant it. Mostly.
I’m not worried about the dangers that target partnerships like ours. I am a trained agent who has taken down perps double my size. I’m afraid that I am setting myself up for heartbreak. The fear that I’m minutes away from losing Grayson gnaws at me and makes my chest ache. But despite the anxiety, I will riskhaving my heart decimated for him. He’s been through more torment than any of us, and he deserves to be happy.
If that happiness is with Cameron, I will accept his decision and support him as he has always supported me.
Though I assured Grayson I didn’t need a babysitter, to be safe, he wired himself up as if he were attending a sting undercover before ordering Brandon to keep an eye on me.
Brandon watches me as closely as I watch Grayson. Being treated as a fragile artifact should bother me, but it doesn’t. I’d rather they mollycoddle me than forget me and leave me in the dark.
“Are you sure we should be encouraging this, Mace?” Brandon asks, stealing my focus from Grayson, who is still building the courage to knock. “Alex didn’t send him to the other side of the country for no reason. You know that, right?”
I wish I didn’t, but I do. It wasn’t a coincidence that out of all the agents in the bureau, Grayson was the one to land at my doorstep.
Instead of answering Brandon’s question, I remind myself that Grayson needs this more than anything. “We just need to support him as he always has us.”
Brandon hums yet offers nothing further.
I check my oxygen levels when Grayson shifts his weight, then knocks once. The bang of his knuckles on the glossy wood echoes through the feed. It is as thumping as my pulse but as hollow as the pit forming in my gut.
When Grayson’s knock goes unanswered, I lean forward and squint through the brightness of the screen. Cameron’s apartment is silent yet occupied. Brandon conducted surveillance while Grayson and I were traveling to her building.
It was pretentious of me to involve Brandon in this while faking a lengthy bathroom break, but I didn’t want Grayson walking into a potential situation unprepared. Cameron is avictim, but certain aspects of her demeanor rub me the wrong way. Maybe it’s jealousy, but I couldn’t live with myself if I dismissed it as envy and then something went wrong.
“She’s home, right?” I keep my voice low so Grayson’s earpiece doesn’t pick up my question.
Brandon doesn’t look away from the monitor. “Yeah. Her car is in the lot, and infrared has registered movement inside her apartment. She’s just ignoring him.” His frustrated sigh whistles through the speakers, drawing out my annoyed huff.
I bite the inside of my cheek, fighting not to retaliate to Cameron’s deliberate silence with more than a huff. She’s making Grayson wait, or worse, making him chase like he hasn’t already been pursuing her for seventeen years.
My nostrils flare to cool my rising body temperature. I hate how upset Grayson looks when he knocks again, harder this time. His shoulders are lower than they were seconds ago, and he’s biting the side of his lip hard enough to mark—both telltale signs that his ego is being slapped with back-to-back whacks.
He needs this closure, and I detest that Cameron is keeping it from him.
