She glanced at the photograph on the wall of Addie’s son, Isaac, as he jumped through the sprinklers on the lawn. It had been taken last summer and captured his personality perfectly.
Addie and Susanna were still close. She loved that and her sister was a great mum but Susanna wished Addie had more in her life. She had a good job and said she was happy enough, but Susanna could tell something was missing. She’d always looked out for her little sister. And yet, she knew she shouldn’t interfere too much. She’d once floated the idea of helping Addie to get on to the property ladder by lending her money, but it had been a categoric no from Addie, followed by a request that Susanna let her stand on her own two feet for once. It was the only thing that had ever come between them, apart from their difference of opinion when it came to their dad. The girls tended to avoid talking about him most of the time, otherwise it risked leading to disagreement and tension. Of course, Susanna had plenty of fond memories of their time as the Rafferty family before they lost their mum, but Susanna had also kept something from her sister for years, something that would easily explain her feelings towards their dad, and yet she could never speak of it. She really had loved him – she’d been devastated when he’d died – she just wished she’d kept the same innocence about their parents as Addie had.
Addie remembered only good things when it came to their family, which, as the protective older sister, Susanna was grateful for. She did her best to fill in the blanks about their parents where she could, especially facts about their mum that Addie would’ve been too young to remember, and as for the rest of what she knew? Well, she shielded Addie from more unnecessary hurt wherever she could. She’d done it for so many years she had difficulty switching it off when Addie reached adulthood. More than once she’d wished she had a mum to talk to, or that Aunt Gayle had been more of a mother figure. Susanna had never felt able to confide in Aunt Gayle and instead sought advice from the teenage magazines she read or from friends at school, or she simply got on with things. The lack of closeness with her aunt was partly her fault, she knew that, but Aunt Gayle had betrayed her shortly before she left the island for good, and she’d never been able to forgive her for what she’d done. Susanna had wanted to close that chapter of her life and never look back once Addie was also off the island.
She walked towards the study and was about to knock on the door, but her hand dropped as she changed her mind. The sound of a child wailing carried through the open window of the lounge, grabbing her attention instead as she went to sit down in the squishy armchair. She could just about see a young woman near their drive doing battle with a toddler. Her competence reminded her of Addie and how she’d taken to motherhood so effortlessly. Susanna had never had the urge to procreate, and it wasn’t only because as the eldest she’d been thrust into a childcare role in her teenage years, watching Addie after school instead of hanging out with her friends because Gayle was busy with her pudding business. She’d just never seen herself as a mum. She wondered whether it had anything to do with losing her own so young, but she doubted it. She just wasn’t wired that way. But she was definitely wired to be a doting aunt. She adored her little nephew. Whenever Isaac visited, he loved to help her water the shrubs and plants with the hose while Addie had a break relaxing in an outdoor chair, and he’d keep her amused with his quirks, laughter and funny chatter.
She wondered, if they’d had kids, would Alex have cheated? If he was cheating at all, that was. A fact she’d never know unless she asked him.
What was wrong with her? She wasn’t this meek person who shied away from conflict. She wouldn’t put it off any longer. They’d talk tonight and she’d be able to make a plan to move forwards.
Alex took her by surprise when he emerged from the study and it was even more of a shock when he came over and pulled her to standing for an impromptu hug. It felt so good, so safe, like nothing could ever come between them.
After things had ended messily with her first serious boyfriend, Mateo – who might well be living on Anchor Island with his family unless he’d sailed off somewhere exotic – Susanna had been put off getting serious with a man again. She’d been hurt, she was upset, and she’d vowed to maintain her independence. She liked making her own decisions, not needing a man to define her. She’d read an article in a magazine once and that exact phrase had stayed in the forefront of her mind ever since. It was partly why she’d kept her surname, Rafferty, when she married, as well as wanting to keep hold of the link to the family she hadn’t had for very long at all. She’d always beenone of those Rafferty girlson the island and she’d loved being thought of that way despite her desperate need to escape. She remembered once, when she and Addie were in the Sweet Life Café, overhearing someone talking aboutthose Rafferty girlsfreewheeling on their bicycles down the hillier parts of the island, their legs outstretched and their hair flying out behind them in the wind. That person hadn’t approved but Addie and Susanna had found it hysterical to listen to and vowed to keep doing it – which they did, getting faster and faster, laughing louder and louder every single time.
When she took up a place at the University of East Anglia, Susanna finally got to leave Anchor Island and it was like a whole new world opened up to her, a world that was her own. She had a small amount of money that her dad had left her which, on top of the loans, saw her through. She finished her degree before moving to Cambridge to finish her studies and soon embarked upon her first job as a trainee solicitor. She had boyfriends but never anyone serious until she met Alex.
They’d met when she was on holiday on the Norfolk coast with friends. Despite the swimming lessons she’d assumed were enough to keep her strong in the water, and years of living on an island, she’d got into difficulty in the sea on the first day, a cramp in her leg making it near to impossible to stay afloat, let alone swim. She’d flailed around, desperately trying to move back to shore. Her head kept going under the water, but the next thing she knew, a strong arm had lifted her above the surface and another muscular arm had aided the first, and she was on a surfboard before she knew it. The rescuer had paddled her back to shore with her beneath his torso and when she finally stood up, she looked into the eyes of Alex Byrne, who worked at the beach as a lifeguard over the summer.
If it hadn’t been for her cramp that day, they might never have met at all.
Alex Byrne. The man she’d finally let herself fall for.
And now, despite being so much older, the idea that Alex might be hiding something still hurt as much as when things ended with Mateo when she was only nineteen.
Alex pulled away and asked, ‘Shall I open the wine?’ He sounded so normal.
‘That would be lovely.’
She stood to follow him and paused at the table in the hallway. She looked at the blue envelope. She’d been so focused on her husband she hadn’t had the headspace for Aunt Gayle and what she wanted this time.
She picked up the envelope and tore it open, noting that the writing on the front looked unfamiliar. Aunt Gayle never put funny loops on the bottom of her fs in Rafferty.
And she was right.
It wasn’t familiar at all.
Because it wasn’t from Gayle. Aunt Gayle was dead.
Her chest tightened. They hadn’t been close, but knowing that she was gone and the way they’d left things could never have a different outcome was unsettling.
Another part of their family was gone, and it was never coming back.
5
ADDIE
Addie hugged her sister hello. She’d arrived at the airport an hour ago, checked in her luggage and waited in the café for Susanna to arrive. Today they would fly to Guernsey where they’d catch a connecting ferry over to Anchor Island. It was the final connection of the day and would get them there shortly before the sun came down.
‘I’m not really sure how to feel,’ said Susanna as she unwound her neck scarf. As usual, Susanna looked far more together than she did. While Addie favoured jeans and sloppy cardigans when she wasn’t at work and found most of her clothes at charity shops, bargain outlets or one of the markets in London, Susanna usually went for labels and always looked smart no matter whether she was wearing a suit for the office or was dressed in jeans and a simple top like she had on now.
‘It’s hard to believe she’s gone,’ said Addie, and after a beat, wondered, ‘Who’s arranging the funeral?’
‘I don’t know, but it was the most upbeat funeral invite I’ve ever seen. Not that I’ve seen that many.’
‘To ask everyone to wear bright colours means that she must have had some input before… well, you know.’
‘Before she died,’ Susanna finished for her. ‘Maybe she knew what was coming, asked someone who works with her at the Sweet Life Café to help. She must have appointed someone to deal with her affairs, given we’re out of the picture.’
