‘Did you ever feel left out?’
‘Never. I was six years old when Mum was expecting you, and I still felt loved and seen. And… I would go to bed every night and wish for a brother.’
‘You never told me that!’
‘I never told anyone. I felt terrible!’
‘How did you feel when I arrived, clearly a girl and not the brother you’d dreamed about?’
‘I was besotted by you. From the moment I met you in the hospital, I was in love. I couldn’t imagine it any other way.’ She added to the memories for Addie. ‘When you were really tiny, Mum would feed you and then hold you in her arms, and I would run my finger along your forehead. I was so scared you might break. Mum let me push the pram sometimes, once you were a little older. She’d meet me from school, and we’d walk back together and go into the Cuppas and Treats Café where Gran and Grandad would boast to the customers about both of their granddaughters. I loved it when they did that.
‘You cried a lot, but Mum and Dad were both hands-on parents, passing you between them. Mum would keep you calm by singing to you, or she’d put you in your bouncer and take you wherever she was. If she was folding laundry, you’d be at the side of the room; if she was cooking, there you would be; if she was in the garden, she’d put you in a shady spot beneath the tree. It got harder when you began to move because you were so inquisitive, into everything. Your favourite thing to do was to go into the pantry and hide behind the boxes of cereal.’
‘How was that even possible?’
‘Their pantry was huge.’
‘I remember it having those funny silver-fish things.’ Addie turned her nose up.
‘Yeah, well, if they were there when you were tiny, you didn’t care. You must’ve got choosier the older you got.’
After a beat, Addie said, ‘Thank you, Susanna. For telling me… again.’
‘I like telling you things.’ She paused. ‘I wish they could’ve met Alex.’
‘They would’ve loved him, you know.’
Susanna felt sure they would’ve approved of him – more so than Mateo, who had always had a bit of a wild streak, and maybe still did. But she’d never know what either of them thought of her life choices, and because she’d lost them so young she’d never got to know them as a grown up when things might have been very different.
She’d texted Alex when her and Addie were away, she’d sent him photographs. He’d replied, it had all been fine, but it wasn’t right either. They didn’t chat – it was as if it was easier to hide behind the texts for both of them rather than have an actual conversation.
Was it a sign of things to come?
‘You’re still worried about Alex,’ said Addie.
A slow smile spread across her face, ‘You don’t miss much. Yes… I am,’ Susanna admitted. On their holiday she’d confided how worried she was. The ability to share things with her sister was far easier when they were away from the noise of everyday life.
‘He wouldn’t cheat on you, I just don’t see it.’
‘Well, whether you see it or not, he’s different, secretive, and I don’t know what else it could be.’ She added, ‘His new dental nurse is very attractive. Ten years younger than me, no grey hair or hormonal swings.’
‘Bit cliché, isn’t it? Dentist and his dental nurse.’
‘Well, yes, but…’
‘Why don’t you ask him outright?’ Addie opened up another box but didn’t pull anything out yet. ‘Give him a call.’
‘He probably won’t answer.’
‘Then you call over and over again until he does. Then come right out with it. Say you feel there’s something he’s not telling you.’
‘How did you get so good at relationship advice?’
‘I’ve no idea.’ She pulled out a bulging document folder from the box. ‘It’s not like I have men beating down my door.’
‘You’re beautiful, Addie. You know that, don’t you? And what about that guy with the kite we bumped into the other day?’
Addie laughed. ‘A stranger who I’ll likely never see again.’
