‘There’s one thing you do better than me: motherhood.’ She regretted the words as soon as they were out. ‘I didn’t mean that, I swear. Well, I did, but I didn’t mean to sound like a bitch.’
‘It’s fine, honestly.’
Nadia looked at her sister and couldn’t help the tears tracking down her cheeks. ‘It’s still painful; I wanted children, I really did. It just didn’t happen for me.’ She held Bella, thelittle girl more than settled again now. ‘The Skylarks became my family; the job is more than I ever imagined it to be.’
‘What made you leave nursing?’
‘It wasn’t planned; I saw the job advert for an operational support officer with the air ambulance in Whistlestop River and I was looking to move to a smaller town, somewhere where people knew each other better, and so I applied thinking I’d see what I thought if I got an interview. I did, I loved the airbase and the staff, the town, the sound of the role and what the air ambulance does. It was as though everything fell into place for the first time in years.’
They talked about her job, the teammates she adored, about Monica’s work in hotels, which had been on pause since she’d taken early maternity leave with a plan to return once the baby was a year old.
‘Archie was going out of his mind with worry about you,’ said Nadia. ‘I’ve been so focused on how this has made me feel, the fact that you’re okay and your baby is too, that I haven’t asked you why you didn’t get in touch with him when you knew he’d contacted the police.’
‘You wonder how I could’ve tortured them like that?’
‘Kind of, yes.’
‘Archie didn’t ask me straight away, the birth was too traumatic, he didn’t even ask right after. It was only in the early hours of Saturday morning when I opened my eyes and saw him sleeping in the chair near my bed that I woke him and told him why.’ She gazed adoringly at her little baby in her sister’s arms. ‘Did he tell you about the university reunion?’
‘No, he didn’t mention it.’
‘It was for your course: yours and Archie’s; I thought you might have got a letter.’
‘My course?’ She shook her head. ‘I never heard a thing. But then I didn’t keep my details up to date; I moved here and left Switzerland behind.’
‘It was a couple of months ago. Archie went, and when he got home, he said that he’d been asked about you half a dozen times. People talked about how lovely you were; they wondered what you were up to. When he told me, I think he intended to make me think about my sister, but instead, I was thinking about him. He’s always put me first and it reminded me of the friendship I took from him. He’s never thrown it in my face, he wouldn’t, but I knew he missed you. And he wanted our kids to know their family – all of their family. You were the only one who could change that. I had hopes that you were happy, married, with kids. All I wanted to do was find you, for him, for me, for our kids.
‘That’s another thing that contributed to me suddenly coming here; it added a bit more fuel to my desire, so to speak. I went to all the hospitals in the area, convinced I’d find you or that I’d find something. I showed your photograph at a few places; I must have seemed like a crazy woman. I thought about putting something out on social media but I decided that if you got wind of that, you’d steer clear of me. Face to face was the only way I could ever see me being able to talk to you and tell you how much I regretted everything I did, how much Archie missed you, how much we both wanted you in our lives.’
Nadia’s emotions bubbled up; she couldn’t have spoken even if she wanted to.
‘I’ve changed a lot, Nadia, but some things are still the same – I’m still that same girl who does things first and then thinks about the consequences afterwards. And this was one of those times. By the time I pulled myself together, realised trying to find you was futile, and so got ready to make my way home, thepolice showed up at my hotel room to tell me that my husband, my child and my sister were all concerned for my welfare.
‘I’d been so stupid. And knowing you were all worried, I sank into the depths of shame for how I’d behaved. That was why I didn’t get in touch with Archie. I was devastated at what I’d done. I’m a mother and I’d abandoned my son, left my husband, come to a different country so close to when my baby was going to be born. It was as though I’d stepped onto a set, a stage and was playing a different part and I didn’t recognise myself. I’d acted irrationally; I thought I knew what I was doing at the time. For weeks, I’d convinced myself Archie wouldn’t disrupt their lives and follow me, but then I saw that he wouldn’t have had any choice. Yet again, I’d caused trouble. Just like when I was a teenager.
‘I’d only just got my head around it all and went to the address that the police gave me when Bella decided she wanted to amp up the drama. I can’t bear to think what might have happened if the police hadn’t come, if I hadn’t known people were looking for me, if I’d gone into labour when I was travelling to make my way home.’
‘Don’t think about that now. You’re safe, both of you.’
‘Thanks to you and Archie.’ Her voice caught.
Nadia felt so close to this little baby in her arms, the baby who had made a dramatic entrance into the world.
‘I was stunned when you turned up, Nadia. I mean, I knew Archie had located you, the police mentioned you by name, but I never thought you and Archie would be a team and that you would suddenly appear at my side to help me. I almost thought I was hallucinating.’
‘I’m glad I was there.’ With Bella in her arms, she passed her sister a tissue for her tears.
Monica hesitated. ‘Do you think… do you think we can ever go back to being sisters? I think I need to know, I need toprocess, get my head around it. I’ll respect whatever you decide. I know you have a life here, and that that life doesn’t include me, us.’
‘No… we can’t ever go back.’ And she knew when she saw how distraught Monica was, the way her face, her shoulders and her whole body sagged, that she really was sorry, that she really did want to repair the damage that had been done over the years.
Nadia put a hand on Monica’s as her sister’s tears tracked down her cheeks. ‘We can’t go back. Not ever. But we can go forwards.’
Monica’s breath caught. ‘You mean that?’
‘I think we both owe it to each other to try.’
‘It’ll take time…’
