Gio pulled on his gloves and took it easy dragging trees from their dumping ground back to the truck. Dragging wasn’t so hard; a lot of the trees were under six foot and not particularly bushy. Between them, they lifted and loaded, but by the end of the next street, knowing they only had enough room to collect one more lot after this, he was relieved as he knew it would be the best thing for his knee if he soon gave it a rest.
‘Okay, I know it’s not that you think I’m an invalid,’ he said when they both climbed back into the truck to head for the nextstreet along. ‘But you can’t blame me for trying. And I think you think you know me but you don’t really.’
She didn’t say anything until she’d parked up again when she turned to face him. ‘I’ve been dating longer than I care to admit even to myself, Gio. I’m not after a fling; I’ve had my time with those. I’ve been dating to try to find someone I connect with, but it hasn’t happened, and I don’t know whether it ever will.’
‘You’re dating the wrong guys.’
‘Maybe.’
‘We connect, don’t we?’
Her silence told him she knew they did.
He wanted to keep her in the warmth of the vehicle a while longer. ‘Why haven’t things worked out with anyone you’ve dated, can you tell me that?’
‘All I can tell you is that they weren’t therightguys. I think I’d know when I met someone who was.’
‘And I’m definitely not?’ he ventured.
She hopped out of the truck and looked back once. ‘You don’t do serious, Gio.’
They collected the remaining trees and once the truck was loaded up and full, he stopped her from starting the engine just yet. If he didn’t ask these questions now, he might not get the opportunity again.
‘I haven’t done serious,’ he told her, ‘but it doesn’t mean I couldn’t, if the right person came along.’
‘I have this ideal,’ she began hesitantly, ‘and it’s my own fault. I look at my parents’ marriage and that’s what I want, a soulmate, someone who will be there for me and whose side I will stand by no matter what.’
‘You want the same instant fireworks they had?’
She wasn’t watching him but he saw the glimmer of a smile. ‘Actually, as it turns out, that wasn’t exactly how it went for Mumand Dad. Their relationship was slow to develop; it took a while for them to get to know each other.’
‘Has knowing that fact changed the way you think?’Please say yes.
‘Maybe.’
As she switched on the engine and pulled away from the kerb, he knew that if he was ever going to get her to agree to go to dinner with him, he’d have to be honest about his own history. ‘You’re right, I’ve only ever had flings over the years. It’s because I’m cautious about dating.’ He quickly added, ‘Don’t laugh,’ before she could do just that. ‘I’ve always been one of the lads, loving life and my job, dating when I felt like it, not getting tied down, moving on when I needed to. But in the same way you think your parents’ relationship is the ideal you’re striving for, my parents’ marriage is what I’m desperate to avoid. You know that my dad found someone else.’
‘I do.’ She risked a look at him before setting her focus back on the road.
‘After that, my mum became a drunk, a bad parent. And I’m terrified that I could take after either one of them. That feeling has made me hold back over the years.’
‘You’re your own person, Gio.’ She was concentrating too much to be able to look at him. ‘You have control over who you are.’
‘I do, but I’ve always wondered whether it will creep up on me, that I’ll become one of them or a mixture of both. Don’t get me wrong, Dad wasn’t terrible when we were young but walking out on a family for someone else? That’s unforgivable. And he broke Mum’s heart. When he first left, she was overwhelmed, doing her best, but it wasn’t long before she lost her part-time job because she’d taken so many sick days. The drinking happened slowly, I don’t know for sure when it started to get out of hand,but the longer she went not able to get work, the more she drank and then she found herself in a place she couldn’t claw her way out of.’
‘For what it’s worth, she’s a pleasure to be around now, vehement about never drinking again. But at the same time, aware of temptation and risk.’
‘She never was before. She wouldn’t admit to her problem either; she went to AA a handful of times but it was never a part of her routine. I think she thought she’d go to a couple of sessions and she’d be done.’
‘She always comes back from those sessions calm and happy.’
That pleased him. ‘I forget you’re getting to know her. I’m glad she isn’t a terrible lodger; I’d have been mortified pushing her on you.’
‘Well, no need to worry. It’s all good. From both of our perspectives.’
‘When Marco got married and had kids, I wavered. I thought maybe I could be happy too and not turn out like either of my parents. But I never met the right person.’ He waited for her to take her eyes off the road for just a second and when she did, told her, ‘Until now.’
And when she reached across to hold his hand as she drove, neither of them saying a word for the rest of the journey to the airbase, he got the feeling that she was beginning to understand how deep his feelings ran, how different he was to the man he’d been over the years. Was she finally beginning to understand that if commitment was what she was looking for then she might just find it with him?
