He raised eyebrows. He couldn’t think of what to say because whatever words he came out with would no doubt be sarcastic. He still wasn’t sure he believed her claims, although to be fair, she didn’t look remotely hungover and even with her professional drinking status in the past, she’d never been able to hide that telltale morning-after look.
‘Talk me through what happened again then, Mum. Give me every last detail.’ A few more minutes and he’d know whether she was telling the truth or not, he was sure of it.
She went back to the start, right from Bess’s phone call to finding Bess at the pub, her falling off the stool, the landlord none too happy as she was getting lairy, leaving the pub and Bess stumbling and saving herself by pulling Marianne over.
‘That must’ve been quite some test,’ he said, still unable tolook at her. ‘Going into a pub. You couldn’t do it for the cleaning job.’
‘This felt a bit more important.’ She let the moment settle. ‘I’ve been on the phone to my sponsor this morning in between trying to get a hold of you. I needed to talk to her and I need to get to another meeting. There’s one tonight.’ She waited for Gio to look at her. ‘I’ll always be an alcoholic, I’ll always have temptation, I’ll go through hard times when I’ll want a drink more than ever, like now, because you don’t believe me. You doubting me makes me wonder why I don’t just give in, have a drink and be done with it.’
‘Are you saying this is my fault?’
‘That wasn’t what I meant. Please listen to me, Gio. I know that’s asking a lot given my past behaviour, but I need you to put your faith in me. I haven’t let you down again. Do you know what really made me change this time, apart from wanting you boys in my life? It was what they call rock bottom.’
Yes, and he was sure she’d spent time there before. It had never changed things.
‘I ended up in hospital, had to have my stomach pumped. And the doctors warned me I might not be so lucky if it happened again, if I kept going the way I was.’
‘You never told me.’ As much as he’d hated those sorts of phone calls, he’d taken every one, dealt with them as they came.
‘I didn’t want you boys contacted – the nurse had seen a photo of you two in my purse, I told her you both lived overseas, and then I discharged myself as soon as I was able. I went to an AA meeting, figured it was the same as usual, that I’d lose interest but on my very first session, I made a friend. Sara. She has two daughters, she was in a similar situation to me twelve months previously: neither of them had wanted anything to do with her. But when one ofthem had a baby, she knew that she would never be a part of her grandchild’s life if she didn’t sort herself out. She’d been at those meetings for over a year and she showed me a text message from her daughter inviting her over to her house to meet her grandbaby. It made me think that if it happened for her, then why not me? Why couldn’t I work just as hard and find a way back to you boys?’
He hesitated, waited for her to look directly at him. ‘You really didn’t touch a drop last night?’
‘I really didn’t.’
He rubbed his chest. ‘I need a coffee.’
She leapt up to make it before he could, which at least gave him some space.
When Marianne brought his mug through to him, he asked, ‘What’s going on with Bess? Why was she so wasted?’
But his mum gave nothing away. She hid behind a sip of her own coffee.
‘Getting that drunk isn’t like Bess. I saw her drunk when we were in the shared house but never since. With her job, she’s responsible, respected around here.’
‘She is.’ She chose her words carefully. ‘Bess has confided in me what’s going on with her but I can’t break that confidence.’
‘I wouldn’t ask you to.’ He had a bad feeling about this. Maybe Bess’s house hadn’t been such a good idea after all if she had big problems and was using alcohol to deal with them. She was his friend, he’d wanted more for a while, but right now, his worries had to be with his mum, who’d come so far.
‘I want to help her,’ Marianne went on. ‘I had people in AA to help me; it made all the difference. I think Bess just needs to know there’s a way out of her situation.’ She smiled. ‘I think I’ve started to be a much better listener.’
After the last twenty-four hours, thinking the worst of her, his voice caught when he admitted, ‘I’m proud of you, you know.’
Her eyes filled with tears. ‘You are proud of me?’
‘I wasn’t before we had this chat, believe me. But hearing what you’ve done and want to do for Bess, to help her, that’s nice. And… well, I’m starting to believe that this time, you really have turned yourself around.’ He almost told her that Marco, Saffy and the kids were due to visit soon but he still didn’t want to jinx it. He couldn’t see her overjoyed and then be the one to take that away from her.
‘I promise you I have. There’s always the threat that I’ll fall off the wagon and it’ll hang over me for the rest of my life. But I’ll carry on battling it, I swear to you. And Gio? Don’t be too angry with Bess for putting me in temptation’s way.’
She knew him better than he realised – she had the ability to read how he was feeling when he didn’t come out with it. Perhaps his memories had only held onto the bad stuff of his childhood and teenage years, her absences, both physical and emotional. Maybe he hadn’t let himself see that she had still been his mother in ways she simply wasn’t able to express back then.
He sighed. ‘I seriously thought it was you who was wasted when you called.’
‘I know you did and I’m sorry for that.’
‘No, Mum. I’m the one who’s sorry. I shouldn’t have made assumptions.’
‘You had every reason.’
