By the time she’d finished her hot chocolate, Marley had curled up and gone to sleep on the arm of the sofa. But Morgan knew she wouldn’t be able to rest. Not after tonight, not after she realised what was happening between her and Nate. She needed to speak to Ronan. And she had a feeling that as soon as she heard his voice, she’d know what to say.
It took her a change into her favourite lilac summer pyjamas, a glass of water, cleaning her teeth – all the ways she could think of to put the call off – before she finally picked up her phone and tapped to do FaceTime.
She was greeted with his usual happy grin, although he looked sweaty, as though he’d been out running.
‘I’ve been at the gym,’ he said.
‘This late?’
‘Got to fit it into my day somehow.’
‘Work keeping you busy?’ The small talk made her impatient but it was natural the way they fell into it.
‘Very.’
Morgan, heart thumping in her chest, propped her phone against her knees as she sat up in bed and leaned against the headboard.
‘You look worried,’ Ronan noticed. ‘What’s wrong?’
She didn’t know how to disagree with his claim. ‘I’m not sure I know where to start.’
‘Hang on a sec.’ There was a crackling noise as he moved around and then reappeared, this time sitting beside an open window, a towel around his neck. ‘Sorry, had to sort myself out and get some water. It was a long session.’
‘Maybe I should call back at a better time.’
‘No.’ He said it so suddenly, it took her by surprise. ‘You look serious, Morgan. Whatever it is, you look like you need to get it off your chest tonight.’
She wasn’t sure how to respond and desperately tried to think how to begin when Ronan suddenly suggested that he did.
‘You’re not coming, are you?’ He said it with such clarity.
She was about to launch into an explanation, reasons, anything she could grapple with but after a breath, shook her head. She hadn’t known it for definite until tonight and until she saw him, heard his voice. ‘No, I’m not.’ She gulped. ‘I’m sorry.’
He let realisation settle and when she apologised again, he told her, ‘Don’t be sorry.’
‘But it’s me who’s changed our plans, not you. Aren’t you angry?’
He wiped the towel across his face then dropped it down again. ‘I’m disappointed rather than being angry.’
‘You’ve been waiting so long; you’ve been really patient.’ And she hated hurting him.
‘It was getting harder to wait,’ he admitted. ‘I knew something between us shifted a while ago. Since I came here. Without you.’
She felt terrible. Totally to blame.
‘We agreed you should go.’
‘We did.’ He managed a small smile from across the miles. ‘I’m not blaming you and I’m not blaming myself, I think it just… happened. We both started out wanting the same but life has a way of unfolding. Things change.’
Did he think she’d changed? She had, but it felt unnecessary to dissect who had changed in what way, all the little things and the bigger decisions that had led to this moment. And that was before she even processed the way she felt about Nate. She wasn’t going to share that with Ronan, it would be hurtful and unnecessary and he didn’t deserve that.
What she did wonder was why he’d persisted on the Scotland dream when he thought that something had changed. ‘Why didn’t you tell me how you felt? I had no idea you were thinking anything other than that our future was still in Scotland, that I’d join you eventually.’
He deliberated for a moment. ‘I asked you to marry me; I couldn’t give up that easily, so I suppose it was my way of fighting for you. I gave you the space you needed to stay in Little Woodville with your mum, and after she died, I wanted you to realise that this, this fresh start was your dream too. But over time, it began to dawn on me that it might not be what you want.’
‘How did you know? Even I didn’t know.’ Her voice trailed off.
‘I didn’t know necessarily; it was more a feeling that crept up on me.’
