‘I did but it was worth it for the two of you to find your way. I see that, really. But my grief made my anger simmer beneath the surface. And because you didn’t know any of it, I started to stress that you might resent me for being a part of derailing your plans because I couldn’t be here.’
‘Well, I don’t resent you.’
‘And I’m not angry with you. I suppose I’m a bit annoyed at myself; I could’ve just visited again anyway rather than taking her plan as gospel.’
‘She was quite forceful, though.’ The sisters smiled at one another. Their mother certainly was that.
Morgan’s face fell. ‘On some days, it was really horrible, you know. I didn’t always let you know how bad when you called.’
‘Oh, Morgan, I wish you had.’
‘I’d worry endlessly if I had to go out and do the shopping or run errands. I worried I’d come home to find she’d fallen and broken a hip, when I’d see her peering out of the back bedroom window, I’d worry she’d go outside on her own and slip on the little steps that led over to the bench.’
‘Her favourite spot,’ they both said together.
‘It’s mine too. I sit out there and read a lot.’ She’d take a cup of tea with her or a cold drink, although the last time she’d been out there she’d noticed how tired the bench was looking and the shed too. Another job to add to the list. ‘I felt so alone, Tegan.’ Even though her sister had been on the end of the phone and Ronan had supported her from afar when he could, calling or sending her flowers on more than one occasion, she’d taken on the burden of her mother’s care and it was difficult to think of a world outside of that sometimes.
‘I wish you’d called me more often so I knew what it was really like.’
‘You’ve got a family, a farm; you’re busy enough.’
‘Not too busy for my sister, always remember that.’
‘I’m glad you’re here now.’
‘Me too,’ Tegan smiled.
When Jaimie came through and gave them both a peculiar look as they sniffed and Morgan blew her nose into a tissue, Tegan filled his cup with water and pulled herself together the way mothers just had to do.
When Jaimie left them alone, Tegan told her, ‘Mum felt terribly guilty that Ronan went to Scotland without you.’
‘She did?’
‘She hoped she hadn’t ruined things between you. But she also said you seemed happy and she was sure you weren’t putting it on.’
‘I wasn’t.’ And sometimes it had unnerved her, how accustomed she’d got to being here on her own. But it was what you did, wasn’t it? You stepped up, you helped, and your life would still be there waiting in the wings. ‘I wonder sometimes how she coped with the both of us, you know.’
‘You’re telling me. I might be here in Little Woodville with two kids in tow on my own, but I know that once I go home, Henry is as hands-on as he can be. I can’t imagine not having that support.’
‘Mum didn’t do too badly, considering,’ said Morgan.
‘No,’ Tegan smiled. ‘I don’t suppose she did.’
‘You know, when she first called and told me about her diagnosis, I realised there had been clues each time I saw her. But it still didn’t prepare me for what it would be like when I was here with her, when I could see it every day.’
Morgan never would’ve realised the pain her mother was in, the difficulties Elaina was beginning to have. Clutching her belongings, attempting to take as much as she could inside the cottage in one go the day Morgan arrived and the rain had teemed down from the skies, she’d almost dropped the lot as a much smaller woman than she remembered stooped in the doorway of their home. It was as though her skeleton was exhausted with the task of holding her up. She had a walking stick she leaned on and as Morgan came inside, Elaina wasted no time lowering herself into a chair, a chair that had had an extra seat cushion added to it so it wasn’t too low down.
‘Can I admit something to you?’ Morgan asked her sister, who urged her to continue. ‘It sounds terrible to say it but I’m almost relieved she had a heart attack in the end.’
Her sister shocked her when she said, ‘Me too.’
‘Really?’
‘Really. She was in pain, she was petrified of what came next; I heard it every time we spoke.’
Her sister had summed it up well. The advancement of Elaina’s osteoporosis had been something their mum was very frightened of. Morgan had seen the fear every time Elaina winced if she brushed a little too hard against the edge of the sofa, the way she began to make excuses not to move items at the market and rather had Morgan do it. The future had looked bleak to both Morgan and Elaina and more than once, Morgan had heard her mother whimpering in the bathroom. She’d knocked on the door a couple of times and asked whether she needed help, only to be greeted with an upbeat voice claiming that everything was fine, she’d be out in a minute. Dying so suddenly had stopped the agony for Elaina. It had meant she never reached the point where she couldn’t do anything for herself – never mind opening a tin or lifting a basket of washing, she wouldn’t have been able to bend down to fuss Marley, she might not have been able to get up from her chair in the lounge or answer the door any more, or even sit at the market stall, pretend she was fine and delight in conversation with those around her.
Jaimie came flying through from the lounge with a car in his hand. Clearly the part of the game he was playing now involved flying vehicles.
