I wish she’d fall into my arms and bury her head in my chest. My hands want to squeeze her body and reassure her of my presence and my ability to protect her from whatever is troubling her.
Because I can. I can help her with anything. But I’m not sure she’ll let me.
She’s a strong, gorgeous woman on an island by herself by her own choice.
But why?
She lifts her chin. “You’ve been so kind to me. You’ve opened your home and given me your time, and I’ve … I’ve not reciprocated any of that.”
“You don’t have to reciprocate anything. I offer what I want to offer you. It’s not predicated on anything else.”
Her nod is subtle.
She blows out a deep, haggard breath. “I know. But?—”
“But do you? Because it’s important to me that you know that.”
The chair squeaks as I move to the edge. It’s the only sound besides her wispy breaths that gives away how nervous she is.
I hold up a hand when she starts to speak again.
“I’m sorry if I pressed today. I just want to get to know you. You’re smart and funny and observant. It feels natural to want to learn more about what makes a woman like you tick. But maybe I shouldn’t. I …”
I don’t know. If she doesn’t want to go there with me, then that’s her choice. It’s one that I will, without a doubt, honor.
But it doesn’t feel wrong to want to get to know her more deeply. And that’s what’s worrisome.
She forces a swallow. “This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me.”
I stay quiet. I can see a hundred different things sitting on her tongue and how hard it is for her to choose which thing to say.
“You aren’t wrong to ask questions, Holt. It’s a nice thing to want to get to know someone.”
“I’d love it if you wanted to get to know me.”
She smiles but it falters quickly. “I … I do. You know that I do.”
“I hope so.”
She takes another deep breath. “I’ve been lying in bed tonight thinking about you and what you said and what Sienna has been saying. And … I know I have vulnerability issues.”
I lock my hands together in front of me and rest my elbows on my knees.
“Letting people inside my world … scares me.” She looks at the ceiling. “I feel like such an idiot for saying that. But it does. You aren’t even asking me anything deep, and I still … shut down.”
“You know what? It scares me too. It scares me to let people into my inner circle, and it scares me to be inside someone else’s.”
She drops her head and levels her eyes with mine. “Really?”
I get to my feet. My hands find my hair. My fingernails drag across my scalp, the bite feeling good despite the pain.
It’s my turn to take a deep breath as I try to decide if going into all of this is worth it. I’m two seconds away from telling her it’s okay and that I see her point about keeping things superficial between us, but then I look at her face.
The pain there is unmistakable. The fear, too, is obvious.
That’s when I know: I have no choice.
If this walled-off woman is opening up to me of all people, it’s my responsibility to help her.
