“Because you’re a fucking idiot,” I say aloud.
I don’t know how our conversation will go when I get home. I also don’t know how much of my chat with Oliver she heard.But what I do know is that I need her to understand the context. I need her to know why I said those things—because I don’t want to hurt her.
Which I inadvertently already did.
I slam my palm against the steering wheel.
My stomach twists as I think about her overhearing any of what I said to my brother. I can’t even remember all of what was verbalized in the hallway. I only know that I made it clear that I can’t be what Blaire needs.
And that remains true.
“If you didn’t want me to fall in love with you …”
Surely, she didn’t mean that. She couldn’t have. Blaire Gibson wouldn’t fall in love with a guy like me—a man so busy in his own life that he can’t take care of hers.
She has to know she deserves better.How could she not realize how special she is? How could she not demand more for herself?She needs someone who won’t walk out on her like Jack.
And like me.
A bubble of rage fills my stomach as I acknowledge what I’ve done.
I left her when she needed me. And whether I had something else to do or not, I shouldn’t have done that.I don’t know what my options were, but I should’ve figured something out. There were too many irons in the fire, too many people calling. Too much to handle all at the same time.
I grip the steering wheel.
My phone rings through my car, and I answer it without looking to see who it is.
“Hello?” I say.
“Just heard from Graham Landry,” Oliver says. “Tomorrow morning at ten. We’re heading to their offices. He wants our final offer.”
I’ve waited for this day for weeks. It should feel like a milestone getting to the finish line.
I sigh.
Oliver, Wade, Boone, and I killed it today. Even though I was distracted as fuck, I was able to promise myself I’d have time to make things right with Blaire later and focus. We filled every potential hole, came up with a viable solution to every argument Landry could make, and secured an investor who will make things much smoother.
Every time my brain flipped to her, I told myself to set it to the side until I got home. Then she gets my undivided attention, and we can figure this out.
“We’re ready,” I say to Oliver, removing my tie altogether and tossing it onto the passenger’s seat. “I feel really good about this.”
“The deck area Wade added in from Blaire’s suggestion is the feather in our cap.”
“Yeah.”
“Landry will love that. And so will we in the long run.”
“For sure.” I work my neck back and forth. “I’ll be in the office early. Around four thirty in the morning. Maybe five. If you want to come in and do a last-minute run-through, I’ll be there.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
My house approaches. With every inch I get closer, the harder my heart pounds.
“I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later, Ollie.”
“Hey, real quick.” Ollie takes a deep breath. “I’ve not brought up the whole thing at Mom’s because I can tell you’re dealing with something else. But I want you to know that I always have your back. And I’m sorry if I pissed you off. I just want what’s best for you, Holt.”
I slump in my seat. I didn’t know I needed to hear that today, but I did. It’s apparent.
