She laughs. “You’ve said that now twice.”
“I said I liked him. Not loved him.”
“Okay. Pardon me. I shouldn’t have tossed that weapon out there like that.”
“Exactly.”
“I was kidding,” she snorts. “It’s not a weapon. It’s a positive thing.”
I roll my eyes and go back to the nail-biting again.
This isn’t helpful. I just needed to know what to do about leaving here and potentially never seeing him again.
But do I tell him that? Or do I just let things go and see what happens?
What’s a girl to do in these cases?
“You like him,” Sienna says. “This is a good start. Now, what do you need help with?”
I drop my hand. “I don’t know what to do now.”
“Oh, Blaire …”
I sigh. “I know I sound like a child, but I’m really confused.”
“You don’t sound like a child. You just sound like a woman who hasn’t been here before. And, you know what? I’m glad you called me.”
“You are?”
“Yes! Of course. This is what friends do. This is such good progress.”
“Before you know it, we’ll be shopping together on the weekends,” I say, my tone full of sarcasm.
“Really? That would be amazing.”
“I was kidding.”
“Oh.”
I sigh again—louder this time. “Maybe I should just forget this.”
“You absolutely shouldnotforget this.” A chair squeaks in the background. “So, what changed? What made you know that you want to try something with Holt?”
I consider her question.How do I know?
How do I put how I feel into words?
Maybe that’s the point. Maybe it’s the fact that I have feelings for Holt that’s the answer to her question.
A part of me has opened up since I got to Savannah. There’s a layer to me that I never explored. Maybe I was too scared to open up to someone after Jack. It could be that I didn’t want to access the vulnerability it takes to connect with another human while eating pizza at two in the morning. And I’ve gotten away with it.
Until now.
Holt challenges me. He makes me think about who I am and how I want to be. He pushes me and asks questions, and I like this version of myself better than the Blaire I was when I ran into him at the airport.
Being with him doesn’t feel weak. Or dangerous. I don’t feel like I’m carrying a shield around all day to fend off the enemy.
I can breathe.But how do I say that to Sienna?
